… and that’s OK.
Sometime this past spring, things got really good with Wyatt. He started sleeping and became really happy. Things were just predictable and easier. Even the dreaded two-to-one nap transition wasn’t horrible (and didn’t happen until 18 months!) and initial stages of weaning went better than I expected.
Then within a 5 week time span, I rocked his world. I fully weaned him (his last feeding was the day I got a positive pregnancy test), I went on bedrest and family members took over all of my mom duties for 3 weeks, we moved, and he started preschool. What resulted what a very unhappy, very clingy little guy – which was to be expected. I felt awful that I did that to him, but reminded myself that kids are awesome and usually adapt to change fairly quickly.
And then after a month, he settled into his routine and went back to being more like his old self. He even bounced back quickly after two rough illnesses. We hit our sweet spot again (and I shared a day in the life post) and I got my mommy confidence back.
Until this past Monday that is -- when I got a huge slap of mommy guilt in the face. He’s had a rash around his mouth for about a month, that I assumed was just a reaction from not wiping food off his face quickly enough at mealtimes. I’ve been putting on Aquaphor, and while it hasn’t exactly been helping, it wasn’t getting worse either.
Then in NJ this past week, where it was much colder, his rash got a lot worse and spread. I made a doctor appointment for as soon as we got home Monday, and what do you know? It’s bad eczema. He’s on two prescriptions and has a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks because his doctor is concerned over how severe it is. I hate myself for not taking him sooner.
As if that wasn’t enough, his doctor wanted to give him a check-up while we were there. As soon as she looked in Wyatt’s right ear she said, “oh my gosh”. His eardrum had burst recently. Probably on the plane that morning when he was sleeping soundly, jumped up, and grabbed his ear. He was cranky the rest of the flight but I just thought it was his ears popping combined with a 4am wake up call. Mom-of-the-year over here, friends.
He also hasn’t been sleeping well since we went to NJ. He had a great time there – but naps were no longer than an hour and he went back to 6am wake ups.
Oh and I didn’t notice until I took this picture of him Monday afternoon that he needs a haircut badly. Yikes.
Needless to say, I feel like a pretty crappy mom right now. I know all of these problems are super minor, but it just reminded me that I’m never going to have this mommy thing figured out. There’s always going to be challenges and I’m going to make mistakes every day – and sometimes those errors will come at the expense of my children’s wellbeing. Ugh. Which makes me feel bad, but I know it’s just part of life. And, yes, I’m terrified by how much I’ll mess up when I have two little people to look after!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to attempt to trim Wyatt’s hair (my husband usually does it but it working extra long hours this week). We’re waiting until next week in Disney for his first official haircut (!), but I’m scared he won’t sit still in the chair so I at least need to make him presentable in the meantime.
Yesterday, Wyatt opened a box and said “empty”. This threw me for a loop because I had no idea he knew that word. We usually say “all gone” or “no more”. The same day he was playing with his felt letters and identified almost all of them correctly. I knew he knew a, b, c, d, o, and the letters in his names – but he picked up on the rest so quickly!
It’s crazy how much kids learn in such a short amount of time, but I tend to forget that, as an adult, I’m always learning, too. I’ve become more cognizant of this since becoming a mother. Each time I learn a lesson, I try to file it away for later.
For instance, this week I’ve learned:
1. The situations I dread the most usually end up being some of the easiest.
I’ve flown alone with Wyatt a bunch of times. All but once, he’s done really well on planes and received compliments from other passengers. Still, I dread flying alone with him for days before the actual event. I over-pack, over-analyze, and over-stress like crazy.
We flew to NJ this week and, except for one minor incident with squirting his water bottle on the man in front of us (the guy was understanding and just relieved it was water and not a bodily fluid), he did great!
We had an empty row so I tried sitting him in the seat next to me to see how he’d do – he turns 2 in a month which means no more flying on mommy’s lap – but he wouldn’t have it. So, I have no idea how we’ll manage to fly up here next time (he hates the car seat so that’s not an option). But I remembering this lesson. We will get here some way and it will likely go more smoothly than I anticipate.
2. The best runs happen when you least expect them.
Ok, so this isn’t a new lesson – but every time this happens, it surprises me.
I ran yesterday morning in NJ… in 38 degrees which is 20+ degrees cooler than weather I’ve been running in lately. I was heading out for 4 miles and told my parents to expect me back in 40 minutes. Then I said 45 and eventually 50 because I thought for sure I’d have breathing issues in the cold or something. Well, I was back in just under 35 minutes! The brisk air and cool wind made me feel awesome. I haven’t averaged sub-9 minute/miles since my pregnancy running comeback and this run averaged an 8:38 pace. I felt on top of the world.
3. My favorite foods don’t taste good during pregnancy.
My favorite lunch from Turning Point – didn’t taste the same.
I’ve really been looking forward to this trip for two reasons 1) to see my friends and family and 2) to eat all the yummy NJ food. I had horrible morning sickness and assumed by now – 15 weeks – I’d be back to feeling like my own self. Ha no. I’ve been able to eat which is a huge improvement, but food just doesn’t taste good anymore. My parents have taken me to all of my favorite restaurants and I’ve been disappointed by my favorite dishes every time. (I realize this is not a big deal at all, especially because it’s my top pregnancy complaint right now. I’m only sharing because it was unexpected and I really like eating!)
The one exception? Bagels with cream cheese.
Why do bagels taste so delicious during pregnancy? I’ll never understand. At least I’m in a pregnant woman’s paradise right now – nothing beats a NJ bagel.
I wanted to write another one of these posts because things are pretty predictable (except for when Wyatt is sick). Check out the posts from when Wyatt was 18 months and 6 months. Now, he's 5 weeks shy of turning TWO years old -- crazy!
4:46 am: I’m up and can’t fall back to sleep. Pregnancy insomnia is driving me nuts lately. Did anyone else deal with it? It takes me forever to fall asleep and I have trouble staying asleep.
5:20 am: I finally get out of bed before my alarm goes off at 5:45. I head downstairs and make myself my new favorite morning drink to stave off nausea until I eat breakfast. Pumpkin spice chai tea + milk over ice. With Wyatt, I never had caffeine. With this pregnancy, I’m allowing myself to have a little. This drink has somewhere between 40-60mg and pregnant women can safely have up to 200mg/ day.
PSLs make me gag, but this stuff is so good!
I fold laundry from the night before and then head to my office. I’m in a fog and not ready to work on my assignment for today yet. So, I pay bills. Side note: I’m back to paying most bills the old fashioned way – check and envelope – instead of using online billing/ automatic drafting. The convenience fees are getting insane and I realized by doing it the old fashioned way, we could save $8/ month – which equals two weeks’ worth of pumpkin spice chai tea mix.
Eventually I start on my article for the day. I’m in a good groove with work now. The last quarter of the year is always slow for freelancing – which is nerve-wracking money-wise, but knock on wood, things have always picked up for me come January. But it’s good timing. Wyatt is in preschool fewer hours/ week than he was with the sitter, so right now I’m getting by fine without extra help.
7:10 am: I make Wyatt’s lunch and gather and label his school supplies (change of clothes, diapers, snacks, and a note to his teacher that his sandwich is sunflower butter and not a nut butter). Then I get dressed because I know he’ll be up any minute.
7:20 am: Wyatt is awake! Yup, it took 20 months but now he typically sleeps past 7. It’s amazing. I wake Jeff up and ask him to get Wyatt up, while I go get breakfast ready for us all.
This post will also show how unhealthy I’ve been eating – almost 3 TJ’s frozen blueberry waffles + 3 pieces turkey bacon.
The next hour is a blur of trying to get Wyatt to eat anything before school and trying to get him dressed in time to head out the door by 8:30. I don’t know why this is so difficult, but every school morning seems rushed.
8:35 am: We say our goodbyes to daddy and go to school. I drop Wyatt off and am home a little after 9.
I’m not working during most of the school day today – I have an 8 mile long run this week and I can’t fit it in this weekend. So, I head out the door (with my phone in case W’s school calls) for my run. I (barely) survive and take a quick shower.
Smiling because it’s over. Not all runs are great.
11 am: I grab a snack, begin writing this post, and get back to working on my article.
12 noon: Time to go pick up Wyatt! I always love how excited he is to see me. He tells me what he did at school – he repeats his teachers names, says “col, outide, wheeee, nack, gapes!” You can decode that, right?
12:30 pm: We’re home and I eat lunch, and try to get him to share some since he didn’t eat much at school.
Pb & j plus grapes – I used part of my bread for W’s sandwich.
1:00 pm sharp: Naptime. Wyatt goes down really easily for naps now. I lay down, too. I’ve been trying to stop the pregnancy napping in hopes it’ll help the insomnia, but after today’s run, I’m wiped. I’m taking that “sleep now” advice literally.
1:35 pm: My 30-minute timer goes off so I head back to work. Within the next hour, I finish writing my article. Wyatt is still sleeping – his naps last anywhere from 1-3 hours so I never know how much time I’ll get.
2:30 pm: I need a snack and try to sneak in some veggies.
Yup, the only way I can do it is if they’re covered in cheese, croutons, and honey mustard.
3:15 pm: Someone is up! He always seems groggy in the afternoon no matter how long he sleeps. So, we cuddle together on the couch while he enjoys a snack and an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Since it’s raining out, we stay inside and color, do puzzles, and build with blocks before our neighbors come over to play. I moved in directly across the street from a friend and feel like a stalker sometimes -- Wyatt loves her little girl and always wants to see her, and I’m a fan of her mama so it works!
The four of us head to dinner at a Mexican joint in town. Wyatt always eats well when we go out with Molly – he sees her eating and it’s like a light bulb goes off in his head “oh, I should eat too”! We’ll definitely being going out together the night before his 2-year weigh-in checkup.
Mad that I’m taking a picture of him and not feeding him cheese dip. I also eat a ton of chips, cheese dip, and salsa and two chicken quesadillas.
6:30 pm: We get home and thankfully it’s stopped raining. There’s a house up the street from us with an extensive Halloween display. Wyatt is obsessed with the huge inflatable spider on the roof and loves walking up there with his lawn mower, taking a seat, and blowing kisses at “itsy bitsy”. We usually do this several times a day (Wyatt says “mow itsy, mow itsy, mow itsy” all day long) and I’m sure these neighbors think I’m a creeper, too.
6:45 pm: We head upstairs and Wyatt goes crazy for 10 minutes or so before we start the bedtime routine.
14 week bump shot.
I feel like he knows he needs to blow off steam before he can wind down. Then it’s time for teeth-brushing, bath, baby massage, jammies, books, rocking, and bed. I love that he still lets me rock him before putting him down.
7:30 pm: I throw on pjs and pick up the toys from the day. I go back to my computer, edit my article, send it to my editor, and brainstorm article topics for next week. I also finish this post. Sometime in here, Jeff gets home.
9:00 pm: I spend 15 minutes packing and making of list of things I can’t forget – like Wyatt’s entourage of stuffed animals he sleeps with – since we’re heading to Clemson tomorrow afternoon.
9:15pm: We start our tivo’d Greys Anatomy. Side note: Thursday night is the only weeknight I watch TV. And it’s because I don’t really like most shows that are on anymore (we watch Million Dollar Listing, Big Bang Theory, Greys, and Scandal – and we save MDL, BBT, + Scandal for Friday nights). But this really helps me get a lot of work done Monday- Wednesday nights, so don’t tell me about any other good shows that are on!
10:15 pm: Lights out!
Like I said, we’re in a good place with Wyatt’s sleep habits and my work schedule. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to work part-time and stay home with my son – and I feel pretty guilty and embarrassed admitting that I got to run, nap, and go to dinner with a friend yesterday while most people were at work. After days like this it’s even hard admitting to my husband what I did all day when I know he worked so hard! But I’ve always shared hard days with you guys, so it’s only fair that I keep it real and share some good ones, too.