For Lent, I think it's important to make sacrifices. I usually give up some kind of treat and try to be nicer to others. Chocolate, baked goods, soda, and gum have made a steady rotation on my give-up-for-Lent-list since I was a child. But this year, I need to try something new.

Since becoming a mommy nearly 3 (!) months ago, I've gotten into a horrible habit. I make excuses for everything.

Issue: My house is a mess.

Excuse: It's OK because I have no time during the day to clean.

Issue: I rarely cook dinner.

Excuse: It's OK because I can't cook while holding a baby, and he doesn't have a predictable bed time. So I'll continue to live off of peanut butter sandwiches.

Issue: I'm barely following my half marathon training plan.

Excuse: It's OK to not do my Smartcoach-prescribed workouts because I have no one to watch baby while I run.

Issue: I do my freelance work in the middle of the night.

Excuse: It's OK because I went without much sleep for 9 weeks, so surely it's fine if I only clock 4-5 hours each night now.

Issue: My jeans are no where close to fitting.

Excuse: It's OK because I just had a baby. How long can you say you "just" had a baby anyway?

Issue: I'm eating way too many sweets.

Excuse: It's OK because I'm breastfeeding.

Issue: I am drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee.

Exactly: It's OK because I need to be alert to care for my baby.

It's time for the excuses to stop. I'm giving up using the baby/ my role as a mom as an excuse. Most other new moms accomplish way more than I do during the day. Is it because they have perfect little angel babies? Nope, their babies are no different than mine. They just have better attitudes and don't make lame excuses.

So it's settled. When Wyatt naps, I need to actually put him down and clean. I can bring his bouncy seat into the kitchen so I can cook dinner. I can get a babysitter so I can get my freelance projects done during the daylight hours. I can follow my training plan fairly easily if I leave him in the (gasp!) germ-infested gym childcare. Cutting back on the sweets will help me fit into my jeans. And switching to decaf for my third (and fourth...) cups of coffee certainly won't jeopardize my ability to care for Wyatt.

Of course, my excuses aren't all going to stop overnight. Small changes are best for lasting behavior changes after all. And I'd like my excuse-free living to last way more than 40 days. I'm going to make sure I avoid one excuse each day though.

Just for good measure, I'm also giving up Coffeemate. I usually only have it when the gingerbread flavor is available, but I've been downing the French vanilla lately.

I'll report back after Easter!

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Wyatt is currently on his first road trip to visit his loved ones in NJ. I am so excited to finally introduce him to my family and friends. Hopefully he’s being a good little passenger.

Lisa, Madeline, and Laura each tagged me to participate in a fun little blog game that’s going around. Here are 11 useless tidbits about me.

1. I add pineapple to everything. It’s hands down my favorite food and it makes anything taste better. Too bad Jeff hates pineapple. Boo for tastebuds that aren’t compatible.

2. On my 18th birthday, I got a tattoo of a NY Giants helmet somewhere on my body. One week later, they changed the logo after having the same one for twenty years. I can’t make this stuff up.

My tattoo vs. the new logo

3. I'm not on Facebook. Neither is my husband. I first learned about Facebook when I started grad school. We were warned to never join if we wanted to pursue a certain kind of job. I luckily landed that job eventually, but I no longer work there. Now my Facebook boycott is due to the fear of getting addicted to yet another form of social media.

4. I used to love going to fast food joints just so I could eat ketchup straight out of the packet. Seriously. Proof I wasn’t always a germophobe.

5. I never run with music. It’s not that I don’t enjoy running with music, I just hate having things in my ears because…

6. My ears are always itchy. Once my chronic itchy ear got so bad that I saw an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. As he was peering into my ears he asked, “do you have a dog or cat?” Nati’s hair was stuck all over my eardrum. Gag.

7. Speaking of the furball, I have this fear that he’s going to stop breathing at night. I often sit up in the middle of the night and pet him just to make sure he’s still alive. I realize I have issues.

8. Speaking of issues, it’s crazy that events that happen before we’re old enough to remember them can shape our lives. We’ll leave it at that for now.

9. Motherhood is such a weird balancing act. I’m constantly torn between wanting to help Wyatt and letting him figure things out on his own. I don’t see this dilemma going away any time soon.

10. I hate birds. I think they’re the most disgusting, obnoxious creatures ever. Unfortunately, during my visit in NJ, we’ll be staying with an African Gray parrot. Thumbs down.

11. I truly feel like I’ve gotten everything in life I’ve ever wanted. I may not have had it all at the same time, but I feel like I’ve gotten to experience all the important things I’ve wanted to. I realize how fortunate I am and count my blessings each day.

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The first time I saw my husband I thought he was cute, but also really immature (it’s comical that at the age of 18 I was gauging someone else’s maturity level…). It took a year of friendship before a relationship came, and another 6 years before we said “I do”.

As cliché as it sounds, he’s my best friend. I just happened to have fallen in love with him. In our time together there’s been very limited PDA, grand romantic gestures, and “omg, I would die without you” overwhelming feelings. Don’t get me wrong; I could not imagine spending my life with anyone else. We’re just not very romantic people. And that works for us.

Truth be told, I always thought the people who were overly dramatic and gushy about their feelings of love were a bit silly. I just didn’t get it…

Until I fell in love with someone else.

I was wrong: Love at first sight most definitely exists.

You can instantly love someone so much that it consumes you. It keeps you up at night (both figuratively and literally, ha). It makes it hard to breathe. To concentrate on anything else. To function. You can miss someone and be right next to him at the same time.

Falling in love with my baby has turned me into a huge sap. I knew I’d love him, but I never knew an emotion like this existed until the moment I met him. Since his birthday, my love for him has just grown stronger and stronger.

I know now why everything happened the way it did. I would not trade the events leading up to meeting him for anything in the world. I was meant to have this baby. He is so amazing and I don’t see how anyone else could ever compare to him. I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to experience this kind of love each day.

Happy Valentine’s Day to both loves of my life. <3

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But his schedule is still pretty unpredictable. He wakes up somewhere between 6- 8am, which makes it tough to run first thing in the morning. I could pump and have Jeff feed him, but I'm honestly just too lazy. Since I'm a germophobe and it's flu season, I'm not ready to leave Wyatt in the gym childcare. So, I've started running with our jogging stroller, the BOB Revolution SE.

I'll admit, I never thought I'd be one of those moms who enjoyed running with the stroller. Running has always been my "me" time, and I assumed running with the baby would take away from that. Selfish, but true. I didn't even want a jogging stroller at first. Jeff wanted one so I thought why not? Isn't running with a stroller what all the hardcore running moms are supposed to do?

Here's what I've learned from using the jogging stroller so far (it's only been 3, short runs):

• Running while pushing a heavy object is tough. Who would have thought, right? My hamstrings burned within the first minute. At 0.25mi in, I thought I had already run 1 mile. I had to stop running when I was a half mile away from my house because my biceps, inner thighs, and lungs literally could not handle another step of running. I was sore for the first time from running in I have no idea how long.
• Running without using my arms is weird. Whenever I get fatigued during a run, my high school track coach's voice pops into my head telling me to use my arms. I never realized how helpful those arms were until I couldn't move them while running. Whew.
• Running with a stroller is humbling. I'm one of those runners who sprints up hills because I want the hills to be over with more quickly. But with the stroller, I have to walk uphill. I see this as a new challenge: the day I can run up all the hills in my neighborhood with the stroller will be so rewarding. It also redefines what a good workout is to me. My 2.25mi at 9:02 pace with the stroller was way more challenging than the 5mi I ran without the stroller at an 8:13 pace.
• Running with Wyatt is fun. Even though I love my solo runs, I can't help but miss Wyatt and wonder what he's doing whenever I'm away from him. I really enjoyed running with him while pregnant, and I'm enjoying running with him outside of utero even more. As soon as I run, he passes out. When I stop to walk, his eyes pop open. Way to keep mom motivated, baby.

The verdict? I like running with the stroller way more than I thought I would. It's a great workout and I enjoy spending time with my little coach. On that note, I'm off to run!

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When you were 10 weeks old…

Your team won the Superbowl. And it was totally because of you. For the Giants' last 6 games, you wore these adorable Giants pajamas. The Giants and the pajamas were undefeated in those games. You better believe I'm saving them. It's just a shame you won't fit in them next year.

You appeared on giants.com. I didn't expect this to happen for 22 more years. You know… when you're playing for them. I mean, we did choose your name based on what sounded like a cool football player name. Seriously.

We went on our first run together. Well, our first run where you were outside my womb. Running with the jogging stroller is really hard, baby. Now I know why so many new moms get faster post-pregnancy. I'm not sure how often we'll run together because mommy felt awkward running without using her arms. Plus, you looked pretty bored to me.

Mommy made a big decision. Since a few months before you were born, I've been trying to find a job. I've spent way too much time job hunting and stressing about finances. This is precious time that I should be spending with you. Daddy and I figured out that I can stay home with you for about a year. I'm still going to look for work, but I'll also be content keeping the title "stay at home mom" for awhile.

You loved bath time. Not because of the actual bath, though. You find the water soothing, but cry when your head gets wet. Yet once we start drying you, you coo and squeal. Wrapping that warm towel around your wet little body thrills you to no end.

You decided it would be fun to scream your head off every evening. For hours. I don't know what you hate about 6- 11 pm (primetime TV, perhaps?), but you have been wailing during that time each night. It's amazing that someone so small can make so much noise. Daddy and I take turns passing you back and forth, and we try to do anything in hopes of comforting you. Nothing works, and you only stop once you wear yourself out. But the good news is that…

You're still sleeping well. You stay down for about 6 straight hours most nights before waking to eat. You must be comfy on your belly! All the stomach sleeping is making you much stronger, too.

I can't believe how quickly you're growing up! Time really is flying. Make it stop!

Love Mommy <3

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This past weekend, I was back in my college town and ready to tackle my long run of the week: 7 miles.

(source)

I was so excited about this run. I planned to run my favorite 7 mile out-and-back and I knew it was going to go well. I had been actually sleeping the past few nights, the weather was beautiful for January, and I had felt strong on all my runs in the past week.

Well you can guess what happened… the run sucked. I felt dehydrated not even 2 miles in (thank you, breast-feeding), my legs were heavy, and I had a head wind on the way back. I still finished the run in a respectable time- probably a similar time to when I regularly ran that route back in 2004. But your time really means nothing when you feel so awful.

I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself post-baby to make every run "count". I'm only running about 3 days a week so I don't have any wiggle room for bad runs. But unfortunately, less than stellar runs come with the territory of being a runner. It doesn't matter if you run one or seven days a week, if you're returning from an injury or if you're in the best shape of your life, some runs are going to suck. Many times for no obvious reason at all.

Luckily, the opposite holds true, too. The next time I set out to run, I had low expectations. The weather wasn't nice, I was tired, blah blah blah. But every step of my 5 miler felt amazing… for no clear reason.

Running literally keeps you on your toes. Some runs are going to go horribly, but without them the great runs wouldn't feel quite so great.

It's those amazing runs that make us keep lacing up our shoes, and give us something to smile about.

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A ton of products have made my life as a new mom easier: Wyatt's Boppy newborn pillow, his Ergo carrier, wubbanubs, and our thankfully endless supply of burp cloths. Though in my very limited time as a mother (it's only been 9 weeks!), I've learned it's the things that don't come from Buy Buy Baby that are really helping my quality of life.

I could not have survived these past two months without the following:

1. Help. My parents and in-laws don't live nearby, but they've come to our house several times to help out. I could not have survived without having extra hands around. I had friends offer to come watch Wyatt so I could nap, and others brought us dinner. I'm so blessed to have such generous people in my life. I guess it really does take a village!

2. Peer support. I don't know what I would have done without my fellow mom friends from real life, the blog world, and twitter. Your peers won't always have the answer to your struggles, but having cheerleaders really helps when you feel like you're doing everything wrong. Plus, they'll completely understand your new mom paranoia about every, single, little detail. Thank you all so, so much.

3. A good pediatrician. Wyatt's doctor is wonderful. He spends a lot of time with us during appointments, and encourages me to call for any reason. I was pleasantly surprised when he was so concerned about Wyatt's not sleeping issue. And I was even more shocked to hear that he fully supports Wyatt's stomach sleeping even though it's taboo. I feel like he considers each baby's situation individually instead of just following the guidelines to a T.

4. An open mind. One of my favorite sayings has always been, "no matter how nicely it's presented, unsolicited advice is never welcome." My parents are awesome. Growing up, instead of telling me what to do, they'd let me make mistakes and figure things out on my own. For this reason, I really don't enjoy being told what I "should" do. But now that I'm a mom, I always have an open ear. Different things work for different babies. I'm never going to figure out what works best for Wyatt without staying open-minded. So bring on the advice!

5. Perspective. In the middle of the night, after weeks of sleep deprivation and frustration, the tears would flow very easily. At the time, it felt like I couldn't go on. But after a couple minutes and a few deep breaths, I'd always snap out of it and remember how lucky I am. There were a lot more tears shed last January when I thought I'd never get pregnant. For me, having a "difficult", insomniac baby trumps having no baby. Besides, I knew the not sleeping couldn't last forever, and each day we'd be one step closer to getting some rest. I don't want to jinx anything, but Wyatt has slept so well the past few nights. Fingers crossed it continues. And if it doesn't, I know we'll get through it together.

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Here's our two month update:

Wyatt
Month two can be summed up this way: happy baby in the mornings…

cranky baby in the afternoons.

In the a.m. hours, Wyatt smiles, coos, and is interested in his toys. In the afternoon and evening hours, he's either sleeping, eating, puking, or screaming. He was technically diagnosed with colic. Though I still think what he's dealing with is just general baby fussiness + reflux.

I must say this to the little guy ten times a day, "you're such a big baby!" He really isn't that big, but he's HUGE compared to where he was. His lowest weight was 6lbs 2oz. At his 2 month checkup yesterday he weighed 11lbs 9oz! This means he went from the 5th percentile for weight to the 50th in fewer than 2 months. Someone likes eating! He's also in the 50th percentile for height (22.5 inches) and head circumference (39.5cm). Basically, this means he's perfect.

These are Wyatt's lucky Giants pajamas. He's worn them during the last 5 Giants games. In those games, the Giants are undefeated. If Wyatt can still fit into these pjs on Feb. 5, the Giants will win the Superbowl. Fellow fans, you are welcome.

Except for his sleeping habits. But we may have found a solution: stomach sleeping. The past few nights, we've allowed Wyatt to sleep on his belly and he's slept much better. I know this is not the recommended way to let a baby sleep (it increases SIDS risk), but Wyatt's doctor is OK with it. A lot of refluxy babies are only comfortable on their bellies. His doctor said we could either allow him to stomach sleep or give him stronger reflux meds. He said there are similar risks to each choice so it was up to us. We're going to let him sleep on his tummy and see how that goes. We have the Angelcare movement and sound monitor which offers some reassurance and he can lift his head and turn it from side to side, but it is still a bit nerve-wracking allowing our baby to do something considered so dangerous...

Mom
...but our not sleeping situation was also becoming unsafe.

This past Friday night, after 8.5 weeks of very little sleep, I had a bit of a breakdown. I couldn't get Wyatt to sleep more than a half hour at a time that night. Around 4:00 a.m., I heard him screaming and got up to take care of him. I was up, but not completely awake. I was aware of my weird between sleep and awake state and totally freaked out. I gave Wyatt to Jeff and started packing my bags. I was convinced I was a danger to Wyatt and had to leave. It was completely crazy and irrational. I remember packing, turning on the shower but not getting in it, and calling up my mom crying. Thankfully, I didn't go anywhere, and Jeff allowed me to sleep for 5 full hours. I awoke to everyone being really worried about me. We decided something had to change before I really lost it.

I looked for night nurses and postpartum doulas all weekend, but most didn't get back to me. We interviewed one, but her ideas didn't mesh well with ours, unfortunately. We're still looking for someone, though I hope stomach sleeping will the answer to our problems.

Otherwise, I'm doing OK. My workouts are going surprisingly well. I wish I could run longer or more often, but that's not going to happen until the sleep situation improves. And I'm fine with that.

Clearly, this was taken in the p.m. hours.

As for my body, I lost 5lbs this month and am 4lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight (though about 9lbs away from my "normal" weight). But that number on the scale really means nothing. Pregnancy changed my body so much that I don't even fit in pants one size bigger than my usual size. My stomach is flabbier, my hips are wider, and my thighs are thicker. I know I need to be patient, but I also need to be realistic. I'll give myself one more month of living in sweat pants, and if no other clothes fit by then, I'll suck it up and head to the mall.

And honestly, if I never get my pre-baby body back exactly, that's OK too. I'll take a cuddly baby over a trim waistline any day.

I can't wait to see what month three brings!

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Still, I’ve always respected the opinions of others. I enjoy learning why people think the way they do. For example, my husband and I vote for different political parties. I don’t agree with some of his beliefs, but I like knowing why he feels the way he does.

I never take someone’s opinion as my own. I always thoroughly research both sides of an issue before making up my mind. But once I’ve made my choice, my mind is usually set for good.

Rather, that’s how I used to feel.

Then I became a mom.

I feel like everything I said I would never do as a mother, I’ve already done! Motherhood has taught me a lot about unconditional love and patience. But I’ve also learned to be receptive to almost any idea.

Before 11/23/11, never would I ever have thought I’d…

Be cool with getting induced. Especially not as early as 37 weeks! But my water broke, and labor wasn’t starting. Getting pumped with pitocin was a much more appealing to me than risking Wyatt getting an infection.

Get an epidural. I really thought I wouldn’t need pain medication during labor. But I did end up getting an epidural (though not for pain reasons) and I was so happy with my decision.

Feeling much better with the help of drugs.

Give my baby formula. Being a public health nerd, “breast is best” has been ingrained in my brain for a decade. Then a pediatrician told me that my 3-day old baby was losing too much weight. After hearing that, I could not get the formula in his little tummy quickly enough.

Be using disposable diapers this long. Wyatt is 8 weeks old and we still haven’t transitioned to cloth diapers yet. We’re going to at some point (hopefully soon). But I really want to tackle the not sleeping issue first. I feel like adding another load of laundry to my day would stress me out even more. So disposable diapers it is for the time being!

Allow my baby to sleep with me. I sleep on a mattress on the floor in Wyatt’s nursery. There are only so many times I can get up and down each night before losing my mind. In the wee hours of the morning, he usually winds up in bed with me. Though I don’t see this lasting. Neither of us sleeps well together!

Want to be a stay-at-home mom. Technically, I am a stay-at-home mom (I was laid off during pregnancy). I do have to go back to work for financial reasons, but I also thought I wouldn’t be fulfilled “just” staying home with my son (see further thoughts here). Now, I honestly cannot imagine having to leave my little guy with someone else all day. I know I’ll have to do it at some point, so I’m trying to cherish our days together while they last.

Someone doesn’t like the idea of mommy going back to work eventually.

I can only imagine what other issues I’ll change my mind on. Only time will tell…

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Having a baby who doesn't sleep and is in pain from reflux and gas kind of sucks. Especially when everyone else's baby seems to be in a routine and wakes only one or two times each night by (almost) 8 weeks.

I wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong. Is it something I'm eating? Is he just miserable because he hates me? Who knows.

I find that dwelling on the negative only brings my severely sleep-deprived and frustrated self down even more. So, I'm doing my best not to do that and see the bright side of my situation.

On the bright side…

Wyatt doesn't have allergies. We saw the doctor this morning and the blood in the stool test came back negative. Granted, there is a slim chance he could still have food allergies, but his doctor doubts it. This also means I can eat dairy again (with a side of Lactaid, of course). Yay!

He has "non-traditional" colic. I know, I just called colic a good thing! Well, Wyatt's colic is in comparison to what it could be. He has the fussy-a-lot, doesn't-want-to-sleep kind of colic. I'd take this over the constantly-screaming, no-way-to-soothe kind of colic. My heart really goes out to the poor parents who have to deal with that. Wyatt's doctor feels strongly that we're past the worst of it, and by next week's appointment he'll be doing better. We started him on probiotic drops today which should also help.

I have help. My husband and I argue over who is going to stay up with the baby longer each night. I would rather him get extra sleep, he would rather me get more rest. Through the madness, it's nice to know we still care about each other. Plus, my in-laws have forfeited nearly all of their January plans to be here to help out. I also have friends offering to watch Wyatt so I can nap. I'm so thankful. If I didn't have help, I would have lost it by now.

Breast-feeding is going really well. I love breast-feeding, and Wyatt loves nursing. The sure fire way to soothe him is to shove my boob in his mouth. Who knew my least favorite body part would turn out to be so useful! I'm also thankful that he's such an efficient eater. Each feeding only takes 5- 10 minutes (and nope, the lactation consultant said I don't have a fast letdown; I just have a fast sucking baby). He still nurses fairly often, though: every 2- 2.5 hours during the day, and every 3-4 hours at night. The night feedings last only a couple minutes so hopefully he won't need them soon.

I can run. Some days I feel like I'm going to collapse, so rest days are happening more often than I'd like. But by some miracle, running is getting easier and is enjoyable despite my lack of sleep. I am incredibly grateful that I can still run. It's so therapeutic for me.

I'm Wyatt's mom. I wouldn't trade these stressful, exhausting 8 weeks for anything. I love my baby so much. <3

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