Here's our two month update:

Wyatt
Month two can be summed up this way: happy baby in the mornings…

cranky baby in the afternoons.

In the a.m. hours, Wyatt smiles, coos, and is interested in his toys. In the afternoon and evening hours, he's either sleeping, eating, puking, or screaming. He was technically diagnosed with colic. Though I still think what he's dealing with is just general baby fussiness + reflux.

I must say this to the little guy ten times a day, "you're such a big baby!" He really isn't that big, but he's HUGE compared to where he was. His lowest weight was 6lbs 2oz. At his 2 month checkup yesterday he weighed 11lbs 9oz! This means he went from the 5th percentile for weight to the 50th in fewer than 2 months. Someone likes eating! He's also in the 50th percentile for height (22.5 inches) and head circumference (39.5cm). Basically, this means he's perfect.

These are Wyatt's lucky Giants pajamas. He's worn them during the last 5 Giants games. In those games, the Giants are undefeated. If Wyatt can still fit into these pjs on Feb. 5, the Giants will win the Superbowl. Fellow fans, you are welcome.

Except for his sleeping habits. But we may have found a solution: stomach sleeping. The past few nights, we've allowed Wyatt to sleep on his belly and he's slept much better. I know this is not the recommended way to let a baby sleep (it increases SIDS risk), but Wyatt's doctor is OK with it. A lot of refluxy babies are only comfortable on their bellies. His doctor said we could either allow him to stomach sleep or give him stronger reflux meds. He said there are similar risks to each choice so it was up to us. We're going to let him sleep on his tummy and see how that goes. We have the Angelcare movement and sound monitor which offers some reassurance and he can lift his head and turn it from side to side, but it is still a bit nerve-wracking allowing our baby to do something considered so dangerous...

Mom
...but our not sleeping situation was also becoming unsafe.

This past Friday night, after 8.5 weeks of very little sleep, I had a bit of a breakdown. I couldn't get Wyatt to sleep more than a half hour at a time that night. Around 4:00 a.m., I heard him screaming and got up to take care of him. I was up, but not completely awake. I was aware of my weird between sleep and awake state and totally freaked out. I gave Wyatt to Jeff and started packing my bags. I was convinced I was a danger to Wyatt and had to leave. It was completely crazy and irrational. I remember packing, turning on the shower but not getting in it, and calling up my mom crying. Thankfully, I didn't go anywhere, and Jeff allowed me to sleep for 5 full hours. I awoke to everyone being really worried about me. We decided something had to change before I really lost it.

I looked for night nurses and postpartum doulas all weekend, but most didn't get back to me. We interviewed one, but her ideas didn't mesh well with ours, unfortunately. We're still looking for someone, though I hope stomach sleeping will the answer to our problems.

Otherwise, I'm doing OK. My workouts are going surprisingly well. I wish I could run longer or more often, but that's not going to happen until the sleep situation improves. And I'm fine with that.

Clearly, this was taken in the p.m. hours.

As for my body, I lost 5lbs this month and am 4lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight (though about 9lbs away from my "normal" weight). But that number on the scale really means nothing. Pregnancy changed my body so much that I don't even fit in pants one size bigger than my usual size. My stomach is flabbier, my hips are wider, and my thighs are thicker. I know I need to be patient, but I also need to be realistic. I'll give myself one more month of living in sweat pants, and if no other clothes fit by then, I'll suck it up and head to the mall.

And honestly, if I never get my pre-baby body back exactly, that's OK too. I'll take a cuddly baby over a trim waistline any day.

I can't wait to see what month three brings!

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Still, I’ve always respected the opinions of others. I enjoy learning why people think the way they do. For example, my husband and I vote for different political parties. I don’t agree with some of his beliefs, but I like knowing why he feels the way he does.

I never take someone’s opinion as my own. I always thoroughly research both sides of an issue before making up my mind. But once I’ve made my choice, my mind is usually set for good.

Rather, that’s how I used to feel.

Then I became a mom.

I feel like everything I said I would never do as a mother, I’ve already done! Motherhood has taught me a lot about unconditional love and patience. But I’ve also learned to be receptive to almost any idea.

Before 11/23/11, never would I ever have thought I’d…

Be cool with getting induced. Especially not as early as 37 weeks! But my water broke, and labor wasn’t starting. Getting pumped with pitocin was a much more appealing to me than risking Wyatt getting an infection.

Get an epidural. I really thought I wouldn’t need pain medication during labor. But I did end up getting an epidural (though not for pain reasons) and I was so happy with my decision.

Feeling much better with the help of drugs.

Give my baby formula. Being a public health nerd, “breast is best” has been ingrained in my brain for a decade. Then a pediatrician told me that my 3-day old baby was losing too much weight. After hearing that, I could not get the formula in his little tummy quickly enough.

Be using disposable diapers this long. Wyatt is 8 weeks old and we still haven’t transitioned to cloth diapers yet. We’re going to at some point (hopefully soon). But I really want to tackle the not sleeping issue first. I feel like adding another load of laundry to my day would stress me out even more. So disposable diapers it is for the time being!

Allow my baby to sleep with me. I sleep on a mattress on the floor in Wyatt’s nursery. There are only so many times I can get up and down each night before losing my mind. In the wee hours of the morning, he usually winds up in bed with me. Though I don’t see this lasting. Neither of us sleeps well together!

Want to be a stay-at-home mom. Technically, I am a stay-at-home mom (I was laid off during pregnancy). I do have to go back to work for financial reasons, but I also thought I wouldn’t be fulfilled “just” staying home with my son (see further thoughts here). Now, I honestly cannot imagine having to leave my little guy with someone else all day. I know I’ll have to do it at some point, so I’m trying to cherish our days together while they last.

Someone doesn’t like the idea of mommy going back to work eventually.

I can only imagine what other issues I’ll change my mind on. Only time will tell…

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Having a baby who doesn't sleep and is in pain from reflux and gas kind of sucks. Especially when everyone else's baby seems to be in a routine and wakes only one or two times each night by (almost) 8 weeks.

I wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong. Is it something I'm eating? Is he just miserable because he hates me? Who knows.

I find that dwelling on the negative only brings my severely sleep-deprived and frustrated self down even more. So, I'm doing my best not to do that and see the bright side of my situation.

On the bright side…

Wyatt doesn't have allergies. We saw the doctor this morning and the blood in the stool test came back negative. Granted, there is a slim chance he could still have food allergies, but his doctor doubts it. This also means I can eat dairy again (with a side of Lactaid, of course). Yay!

He has "non-traditional" colic. I know, I just called colic a good thing! Well, Wyatt's colic is in comparison to what it could be. He has the fussy-a-lot, doesn't-want-to-sleep kind of colic. I'd take this over the constantly-screaming, no-way-to-soothe kind of colic. My heart really goes out to the poor parents who have to deal with that. Wyatt's doctor feels strongly that we're past the worst of it, and by next week's appointment he'll be doing better. We started him on probiotic drops today which should also help.

I have help. My husband and I argue over who is going to stay up with the baby longer each night. I would rather him get extra sleep, he would rather me get more rest. Through the madness, it's nice to know we still care about each other. Plus, my in-laws have forfeited nearly all of their January plans to be here to help out. I also have friends offering to watch Wyatt so I can nap. I'm so thankful. If I didn't have help, I would have lost it by now.

Breast-feeding is going really well. I love breast-feeding, and Wyatt loves nursing. The sure fire way to soothe him is to shove my boob in his mouth. Who knew my least favorite body part would turn out to be so useful! I'm also thankful that he's such an efficient eater. Each feeding only takes 5- 10 minutes (and nope, the lactation consultant said I don't have a fast letdown; I just have a fast sucking baby). He still nurses fairly often, though: every 2- 2.5 hours during the day, and every 3-4 hours at night. The night feedings last only a couple minutes so hopefully he won't need them soon.

I can run. Some days I feel like I'm going to collapse, so rest days are happening more often than I'd like. But by some miracle, running is getting easier and is enjoyable despite my lack of sleep. I am incredibly grateful that I can still run. It's so therapeutic for me.

I'm Wyatt's mom. I wouldn't trade these stressful, exhausting 8 weeks for anything. I love my baby so much. <3

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He also slept for one, 2 hour stretch each of the past two nights. But then it was downhill from there.

I am so, so grateful for all of your suggestions on helping get Wyatt to sleep. Jeff and I read through each comment and took notes. One thing is obvious: there really is no easy solution! It's crazy how babies are so particular. What works well for one baby, doesn't work for another. I guess it's just a matter of trial and error and patience. A whole lot of patience…

While we'd love to test out every suggestion, that's just not feasible. We're really trying not to buy any more products "guaranteed" to help him sleep. Instead, we read your comments and tried to determine which ideas were best for Wyatt. I also spoke with his doctor.

I know some kids can be poor sleepers, but we feel strongly that Wyatt has something going on preventing him from sleeping well. A few things, actually.

• Reflux. Obviously. This is why he hates sleeping on his back.
• Gas/ stomach discomfort. He is one very gassy baby. The past two nights he was definitely up because of his constant, painful gas. We're just not sure why he's so gassy. Food allergies? Swallowing too much air? Something wrong with his esophagus? We need to get to the bottom of it.
• Being overtired. We all need sleep to sleep well. His sleep deficit (because of the reflux + gas) is likely one of the reasons he can't get enough shut-eye.

So, what are we going to do about it? Follow your tips and his doctor's advice. Here's how we hope to tackle his issues:

Reflux: As some of you pointed out, Wyatt was prescribed his reflux meds a month ago. He's put on 3-4 lbs. in that month so the dose may not be working anymore. His doctor agreed and upped his dosage.

Gas/ stomach discomfort: First, we're going to assume (and hope) he's just swallowing too much air when feeding. He doesn't always gulp, so I don't think I have a letdown problem. He gulps and swallows more air after he's been crying. I'm going try to feed him before he gets to the crying stage (this will be really hard at night!). Overnight or when he's really fussy, we'll feed him using bottles that stop babies from swallowing gas. I always pump before I workout so we have lots of expressed breast milk to use.

His doctor also gave us the green light to use Mylicon (simethicone) drops. Fingers crossed he keeps this down better than the gripe water!

If these steps don't work, he'll start being allergy tested at his two month checkup.

Being overtired: I'm reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth and it's helping a lot. Wyatt is clearly giving us "I'm tired" signals but he's so resistant to naps. If he won't go down every few hours, I'll put him in the car seat and take him for a walk or car ride. Those tricks usually knock him out.

A lot of you also suggested an earlier bedtime. I completely agree! I'm starting his nighttime routine between 6:30-7 pm now. I hate that Jeff won't be a part of it, but if all goes well and Wyatt gets into a sleep schedule, hopefully he'll be an early bird and Jeff can play with him in the mornings before heading to work at 8:30 am.

We also downloaded a white noise app and ditched the Sleep Sheep. I'm already a fan because I don't have to keep turning the sheep back on!

Regarding swaddling, I still don't know what to do. When he gets gassy, he likes bending his legs and he can't do that when he's swaddled which makes him angry. I swaddled him in the SwaddleMe last night, and he managed to get the whole thing over his face which freaked me out. We're trying the Halo tonight.

Thanks again for all of your help! You have no idea how much I appreciate your kindness, guys. I'll keep you all posted.

Here's to a (hopefully) good night!

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Do you know what most 7 week olds do? Sleep at least one five hour stretch per night. Sadly, we are not even close to that. Here's what last night looked like:

• 8:15 pm. Bedtime routine started: bath, and then baby massage, feed, and burp in his dark room with Sleep Sheep playing in the background. Asleep by 9:00 pm.
• 9:30 pm. Awake and screaming. Takes paci in crib but can't keep it in his mouth. Daddy picks him up after 10 minutes and rocks him with paci. After 30 minutes, he still won't sleep. Daddy gives him a bottle and 10 minutes later, he passes out at 10:20.
• 10:45 pm. Awake and screaming. Change a wet diaper. I lay down with him in bed and he passes out next to me. I put him into his crib at 11:15 pm.
• 11:45 pm. Awake and screaming. Change a wet and dirty diaper. Nurse him, burp him, and try to put him in the crib at 12:15 but his eyes pop open. Lay down with him and he falls asleep. Back in the crib at 12:30 am.
• 1:25 am: Awake and screaming. Try to give him paci, but he won't take it. He takes my finger instead. I bring him into my bed, he flails for a long time, but finally falls asleep at 2:35 am. I put him back in his crib.
• 3:10 am: Awake and screaming. Change a wet diaper. Nurse him for a few minutes, but he's not really interested. Lay with him only to see big, blue eyes staring back at me. He's not fussing, just flailing. I go downstairs to my room (I've been sleeping with him in the nursery), and allow him to sleep on my husband's stomach. He flails too much, so after a half hour we put him in between us and try to go to sleep.
• 4:58 am. Awake and screaming. I take him back upstairs, change a wet diaper, nurse, and burp him. I don't even try to put him in his crib and allow him to sleep with me. We both drift off.
• 6:10 am. Awake and just fussy. I give him my finger to suck on and he falls back to sleep.
• 7:22 am. Awake, happy, and ready to start the day. I wish I could say the same for myself!

Our longest stretch of sleep was just over one hour last night. This has been typical the past week. Before that, we used to get one 2-3 hour stretch at the beginning of each night. We didn't change anything, so I don't know where we're going wrong. We used to think it was gas that wakes him up, but I think he's been less gassy this past week.

His naptimes are anything but consistent no matter how hard I try. Yesterday, he napped for one 40 minute session, one 2 hour session, and one 1 hour session. But some days, he won't nap more than one hour total.

Some notes:

• Wyatt has reflux and hates sleeping on his back. He doesn't sleep any better when elevated- in a swing or car seat- and he doesn't sleep well on his stomach if he's flat. He only sleeps well on his stomach if he's being held upright.
• We can't let him cry it out. Crying just causes more gas and makes his reflux worse. On a similar note, I'll let him fuss at night, but once he starts really crying, I need to respond to him.
• We've let him sleep in his crib, pack n' play, boppy, elevated snuggle nest, and swing. Nothing works.
• He usually naps on us or in his car seat, though if he's really out, he'll sleep in his crib or pack n' play. I realize allowing him to nap on us is likely not helping our situation, but I'd rather him nap this way than not at all. Getting him to nap- and stay down- is just as challenging as getting him to sleep during the night.
• His first 2.5 weeks of life, all he did was sleep. I had to wake him every 2-3 hours to feed him though. My how babies change…
• He hates being swaddled, but we've been swaddling for the past month because he flails so much that he hits himself in the face. We just swaddle with a receiving blanket. Last night he was unswaddled and just in a sleep sack, and he didn't sleep better or worse. I heard the Halo sack works wonders, so I've ordered it.
• When he wakes up, I don't talk to him and try to avoid eye contact. I just "shhhh" him and put the Sleep Sheep back on. I also don't turn on the lights, except for the nightlight that always stays on.
• We've tried gripe water 4 times, but he's thrown it up 3 of those 4 times so we're not using it anymore.
• We keep the temperature in the house at 72 degrees. He doesn't feel too hot or too cold to me.
• I don't think he's over- or under-stimulated. I only put the TV on at night, if ever. I usually have music on or sing to him, and we play on his playmat or I talk to him while he's in his boppy. We also take walks each day and run errands.
  

I can't believe how long, detailed, and boring this post is, but I really need help. The sleep deprivation is seriously taking it's toll on me, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I can't imagine it's good for Wyatt's health either. I'm praying one of you has the magic answer! Thank you so, so much.

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All the experienced moms keep telling me the same thing: it's hard to remember what life was like with a tiny baby. I'm listening to those who have been there, done that. I want to remember these precious days forever. Hopefully writing to you will help me do that to some extent.

Wyatt, when you were 6 weeks old…

Mommy realized that time was going too quickly. Five weeks ago, you were losing too much weight and your doctor told me to feed you as often as possible. Then this week, we found out you've gained more than FOUR pounds since your lowest weight. Now, your doctor wants me to feed you less frequently. I can't believe this happened in a span of a month.

You had yet to smile. You haven't flashed me a social grin yet, but I am going to keep making ridiculous sounds and faces until you do. You'll likely keep giving me the "mommy, you're nuts" look in the meantime.

You loved staring at the ceiling. I have no idea what is so mesmerizing up there, but you sure love looking up above.

You had a love/ hate relationship with your furry brother. Sometimes Nati's loud barks make you jump and cry. But you love checking the furball out when he's nearby.

Mommy hated being away from you even when you were in the pack 'n play a mere foot away from her. I only feel like you're completely safe when I'm holding you. It's not that I don't trust anyone else; I just have an overwhelming need to protect you. I don't see this going away any time soon!

Your team won a playoff game. But you wouldn't know since you cried through the first half then slept through the second half. We won't talk about what happened to your other team this week since we don't want to remember that game.

I second-guessed everything. It's true, your mommy only used to believe the "experts". Now, I'll gladly try any old wives' tale and trust the opinions of others if there's even the slightest chance it will help make you feel better. Motherhood is definitely making me change my mind on some things.

You had yet to sleep for more than 3 hours in a row. I really hope I can "not remember" this one soon.

Love Mommy <3

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My goal is still to run the Clemson Easter Bunny half marathon on April 7. With the help of Runner's World's SmartCoach and my own experience, I've created this plan to help achieve that goal.

The basics of the plan include the following workouts each week:

• Three runs: one speed workout, one easy run, and one long run. I've always run 4-5 days per week when training before, so only 3 runs each week will be interesting.
• Two yoga sessions. I need yoga so badly. Nursing a baby constantly is not helping my already poor posture.
• Two cross training sessions (preferably one bike ride and one swim). I'd like to get back into triathloning this summer, so it would be great to build a base now.

The old Jen would have no problem following this plan. In fact, she'd think it was way too conservative and add in more cross training workouts and two-a-days.

But the new maternal Jen? She fears this plan is too ambitious! Unfortunately, Wyatt still does not sleep for more than a 2 hour stretch at a time and is up half the night. Running after no sleep is basically impossible as I recently found out. I literally felt like my body was falling apart only one mile into Sunday's run. I've learned my lesson; sleep must come before exercise for the time being.

So this plan is more like a guide. As long as I get in my runs each week, the rest of the workouts will just be a bonus. I've purposely kept the speed workout paces on the slower (for me) side, too. If all goes well, I'll run a 1:50ish half marathon, which is 7 minutes slower than my PR on that course. I think that's doable. But I'll honestly be happy to just finish the race!

I'll save the hardcore training- and my bigger goals- for this summer and fall when I'm hopefully more rested.

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But we all know by now that I got my miracle. I never, ever would have predicted at the start of this year that I’d end 2011 with my 38 day old baby in my arms.

This year, I didn’t run many races and I was let go from a job I loved. While I still don’t have everything I need (seriously, does anyone want to hire a health writer/editor/communication specialist/educator?), 2011 was definitely the year I got everything I’ve ever wanted.

Wyatt has brought me more joy than I thought was possible. I’m sad to see this wonderful year go, but I am so excited to watch my little guy grow in 2012 and through the many years that follow.

Like I said last year, I’m not big on resolutions or lofty goals. But I do have a wish for 2012: I want all of my real life and blog world friends who are struggling to get pregnant to finally get their miracles. 

Here’s to 2012 being the best year yet. Happy New Year!  

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We wish each of you a happy, healthy holiday season filled with friends, family, and many laughs.

Love Jen, Jeff, Wyatt, & Nati

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Wyatt turns one month old today!

Where does the time go? My little guy is already growing out of his newborn clothes. I feel like he'll be walking and off to school in the blink of an eye. I'm trying to cherish these moments of innocence the best that I can before they're just a memory.

Here's our one month update:

Wyatt

Our biggest initial struggle was getting him to eat. Specifically, waking him up enough so he could eat. After two weeks of sleeping no fewer than 23.5 hours each day, I'm proud to report that he's much more alert and awake now. Feeding is going well (he still wants to nurse every 1.5 hours around the clock…) and his weight proves that. As of yesterday, he weighed 8lbs 14oz. This is nearly 2lbs up from his 6lbs 15oz birth weight and close to 3lbs more than his lowest weight. He went from the 5th percentile of weight to the 25th in just 3 weeks!

His reflux remains quite the issue though. He's been on axid for a week and that's helped the vomiting. But he's clearly still in a lot of pain. It's heartbreaking to see him wince, bring his knees to his chest, and gasp for air. His constant feeding is a sign of his reflux, too. When his stomach is empty, it hurts, so he always wants to eat. His doctor doesn't want to switch his meds yet. Instead, I'm adopting a strict, digestion-friendly diet. For now that means no dairy and very limited amounts of caffeine, chocolate, nuts, seeds, fruits, vegetables, other high fiber foods, high fat foods, and spicy foods. I'll completely eliminate these foods if I don't see a change in Wyatt's behavior in a week or so. I'm really hoping the meds + dietary changes are enough to turn my fussy baby into a happy baby. I just hate that he's in constant pain.

Mom

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: caring for a reflux-y baby is tough. The severe sleep deprivation is getting downright scary. Jeff now has to wake with me at every night feeding because I'm saying really confusing things- like claiming I'm already holding Wyatt when he's still in his pack n' play. Yikes!

Luckily, my parents are here until New Year's! This means I'll get some nap time and I'll pump so I can get help with night feedings. I'm praying that by the time they head back to NJ, my dietary changes will be enough to make Wyatt go longer stretches without eating which will lead to extended sleep sessions. Fingers crossed! The extra hands also mean I'll have time to workout which I'm really looking forward to.

My parents offered to babysit Wyatt so Jeff and I can go on a date or two. Well, we definitely plan on taking them up on their offer. One date will be a bike ride and the other will be a run. What can I say? The couple that plays together…

As for my postpartum body, that's been interesting. After quickly dropping 22 lbs., I've lost one pound in the past two weeks. I'm 9 lbs. away from my pre-pregnancy weight and 14 lbs. away from my "normal" weight. This really does not surprise me. I used to exercise hard and often; two-a-day workouts were my norm most days of the week. So why would I get the body that was a result of that back without doing that? I don't expect to return to my pre-pregnancy weight until I'm in training mode again. And while it is frustrating not fitting in any of my clothes, I'm not bothered by what the scale says. Like I've always said, the numbers that are most important to me are these:

Running 4 miles at a 9:10 min/mi pace, with negative splits, without walking at one month postpartum? I'm pretty darn proud of that! I'm sure as my pace drops and mileage increases, the weight will come off.

That's where we are one month into this journey. I can't wait to see what the next month brings!

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