It wasn’t that bad. I was so sick in the beginning and it wasn’t easy taking care of my toddler when I was getting sick several times a day… but that’s all a blur now. In reality, that terrible sickness only lasted 6-7 weeks. Just a blip in the grand scheme of things.
I wish I could always remember what it’s like to feel the baby move. It’s one of the few parts of pregnancy I enjoy.
I’ll never get used to my body looking like this. I still catch my reflection in the mirror and think “whoa”.
I am not ready to be done. So many people keep asking me if I’m “done”. And, no, I’m not. I have zero desire to give birth early, and I don’t feel like a ticking time bomb. Most days, I’m relatively comfortable so this baby can take her sweet time.
I’ve spent most of this pregnancy worrying about Wyatt. Just like I did my first pregnancy! From not playing with him enough in the beginning because I was sick, to not picking him up and carrying him enough since the preterm labor scare. But most of all, I’m worried about how he’ll fair when she’s actually here.
I’m scared. So scared of the chaos that’s coming. I feel like it took forever to get to this point in motherhood where everything is relatively predictable and manageable. I’ve got a decent grip on this work-life balance thing, and I know throwing another tiny human into the mix is going to cause it to become unbalanced again. I just hope it’s temporary.
I’ve had a hard time bonding with the baby. And it’s not because I’m afraid of how her arrival will change our lives. It’s because I cannot forget how this pregnancy started. My hcg levels didn’t double, my progesterone was off the charts in the low direction, I bled so heavily, and my doctor tried to send me to the hospital for a D&C. I’ve also been exposed to a couple of viruses that can cause miscarriages and stillbirths so my doctor kept a closer eye on me. Then there was the positive ffn test. So, yeah I’ve been guarded. I guess it’s not that surprising.
What my tests looked like this time until 5 weeks. Believe it or not, they’re all positives.
The uncertainty that comes with pregnancy is the hardest part. Not just because I dealt with all of those reasons I just listed – the uncertainty when I was pregnant with Wyatt was awful, too. I know this doesn’t really change once they’re out. It’s never easy not knowing if something is wrong with your child – or watching your child go through horrible medical tests, or ride in an ambulance, or suffer from being so sick. But it’s different when they’re here because you know they’re real.
I don’t like being pregnant. I hate admitting this. For so long, pregnancy was this magical, mysterious thing that I couldn’t achieve. Something I’d give anything for. But the trying to get pregnant and being pregnant experience is not my favorite. However, my love of breastfeeding definitely makes up for my apathetic attitude towards pregnancy. That’s when I become really impressed with what my body can do.
Still, I don’t take pregnancy for granted one bit. I’m so grateful that I’ve been lucky enough to experience two (!) full-term pregnancies. I wouldn’t trade any of it – the good or the bad.
This picture is a lie – I leaned forward a bit to see my toes!
Yay, I’m still pregnant and thrilled about it! I’m 37 weeks + 4 days today.
No more bump pictures to compare to, but here’s Wyatt at 4 days old!
Weight gain: Up another pound, for 34 lbs. total.
I feel pretty good! Much better than the past couple of weeks actually. I don’t feel like I’m anywhere close to giving birth – no Braxton Hicks, pressure, cramps, or back pain lately -- which has done wonders for my anxiety levels. I think as soon as I reached 37w1d, I let out the biggest sigh of relief that baby girl won’t be as early as her brother.
I had an ultrasound last week and baby girl looks perfect. She weighed in at 6lbs 2oz which seemed small for me, but apparently puts her right in the 50% for that stage of pregnancy. She’s engaged but I’m not feeling too much pressure anymore, so I’m either used to it or she traveled back up the birth canal (pretty sure that’s not possible?). She’s also head down – wohoo!
My only complaints are exhaustion and swelling. The exhaustion is from my terrible sleeping at night. This whole pregnancy I’ve had insomnia, but it’s pretty bad now. I’m awake for a couple of hours continuously every night. It’s annoying, but at the same time, it beats actually having to get up, change a diaper, get peed on, change an outfit, nurse, burp, and rock a baby back to sleep several times a night! I’m used to the swelling, too. It is what it is, and nothing I do seems to help it.
Workouts – the taper
Even though I feel OK, I know that labor, delivery, and recovery is right around the corner. So, I’m essentially in taper mode like I would be the few weeks before a race. I’m trying to conserve my energy stores as much as possible for the big day by doing the following:
Napping while Wyatt naps. I limit myself to a half hour, but I’m out the minute my head hits the pillow.
Only doing one “workout” per day. On nice days, I like to take Wyatt to the playground in our neighborhood – it’s exactly one mile from our house. We always walk, but if I exercised earlier in the day, we drive now.
- Only exercising when I really want to. There's no need to push it anymore. I was pretty tired yesterday, and a nap + getting some work done just sounded more appealing than walking in the cool, windy weather. Rest is best right now.
Staying off my feet as much as possible. Meals have become really simple – thanks crockpot – and I’m done baking for now.
Focusing more on nutrition. I'm trying to fuel up with only nutrient-dense foods. Some Reeses pieces still make their way into my mouth, but most desserts lately have been fresh fruits and almonds.
In workout news, I’ve decided that walking on the treadmill is the most boring way to exercise ever. It just takes so long and there’s nothing enjoyable about it! I hopped on the elliptical this week and it actually felt pretty good. The key for me was a low resistance (6-7), keeping the incline consistent, and only pedaling forwards. I like it because I can do a mile on the elliptical much more quickly than walking on the treadmill.
M: 2mi walk
Tu: 3mi walk (treadmill blah)
Th: 35min elliptical
F: 1000m swim
S: 40min elliptical
Prepping for baby
I keep thinking we’re done then I remember more I have to do! I put all of her sleepers, swaddles, changing pads, and burp cloths in my room – near the pack ‘n’ play – since she’ll be sleeping there for a while. This will make for much easier overnight changings.
I also pulled out the non-breakable baby items so Wyatt could get used to them. He already broke the hanging part of her activity mat, so we aren’t pulling out anything else he can break. Of course he thinks everything is his!
He kept saying “Wy still fit – no baby sister”. Oh yay!
First thing’s first: I’m 37w1d pregnant today… making this the most pregnant I’ve ever been! I’d shout from the rooftops and jump for joy if I had the energy.
1. I miss running… in theory. The truth is, I am wiped. I do not know what’s wrong with me. Ok, I guess I could blame pregnancy and insomnia, but still. I remember feeling exhausted the couple of weeks before I had Wyatt but it wasn’t this bad. I have zero motivation to work out, and I keep telling myself it’s because I’m not running. If I still was running, I’d have no problem finding the energy to do a few 3- and 4-milers per week because I love running so much. Right? Right. Or maybe my energy is totally sapped because I’m not running – I’m a big believer in the whole you need to exert energy to get energy theory. Whatever it is, I’m glad to not be running right now but I also miss it, if that makes any sense at all.
Not a run.
2. SELF magazine is terrible. I’m sure a lot of you have already seen this story (<--- not a link to SELF, just the news story). Basically, SELF emailed Monika Allen, a runner, to ask if they could use a photo of her racing in a tutu in an upcoming issue. She said yes, but didn’t realize they’d use the photo to mock her for running in a tutu! On top of that, Monika was running the race with brain cancer (!) and she actually makes and sells her own tutus and donates proceeds to charities like Girls on the Run (check out Monika’s blog here).
This story made me so mad – even apart from the fact that Monika is a cancer survivor. Why on earth is SELF, a magazine that is supposed to encourage women to have active lifestyles, mocking runners for their apparel choices? I’m not a fan of running in tutus or skirts – I ran in one for Princess for fun! – but if you are, more power to you! I’ve had friends tell me they don’t work out because they’re embarrassed by their jiggly thighs or how red their face gets, and I always tell them that no one is watching them because each person is only concerned with his or her own workout. Well, I lied. Apparently, popular women’s magazines are watching and judging you and making you feel even more self-conscious. Bravo, SELF.
I ran in a tutu and a tiara – that’s probably way worse!
3. I got some cute Oiselle clothes for my birthday. I love them. They’re so pretty and bright, and will surely make me run faster. However, I hope they fit better in a few more months than they currently do.
4. NYCM lottery entrants were notified this week. Congrats to those who got in! I already knew I was in, but I was still excited to receive the official email. Who’s running it with me? And who already has their training plan? I’m still leaning towards a lower-mileage, polarized training approach but I’m not going to commit to anything until baby arrives.
5. Boston is in a few weeks. I can’t believe it’s been a year since Boston. You all know it’s a huge, (very) long-term goal of mine to someday run Boston. Something cool – next Friday, April 4 at 12pm EST, Wizeo and Boston Marathon race director, Dave McGillivray, are partnering to host an interactive, live video chat on running to raise money for the Martin W. Richard Charitable Foundation – which contributes to education, athletics, and community in Martin’s honor. Martin was a 7-year old boy who sadly lost his life in the bombings last year.
Video chat participants will have the opportunity to ask Mr. McGillivray questions about running, training, and marathon logistics. Click here to learn more and participate in the chat. Wizeo has very kindly offered each of you guys the opportunity to access the chat for FREE! Just enter the code: BOSTONRT