On this day…
On March 22 last year, I had a 7am RE appointment for blood work and a follicle check ultrasound. If all looked good, I would be inseminated a couple days later, on my birthday no less. I was on a new fertility drug and felt weird, so I was cautiously optimistic.
The attending doctor (not my regular RE) did my ultrasound and said I just ovulated, and that my lining looked “fantastic”. There would be no insemination, but he told me I could be pregnant. My nurse would call me later that day with my blood work results, though, just to be sure everything was OK.
I was ecstatic to say the least. I actually ovulated! Without the help of a shot. For possibly the first time ever. And there was the chance that I could be pregnant! I’m sure I got nothing accomplished at work that morning. At lunch, I headed out for a long walk instead of a run just to be on the safe side. <--- Likely the smartest move I’ve ever made.
At the end of the walk, my phone rang. I saw it was my nurse, but when I picked up the phone, I heard my doctor’s voice. He never calls me. I knew right away something was wrong.
This is the part of the story you all know. My blood work showed that I ovulated, but it was an immature egg, my ovaries were being “weird”, he didn’t know why, I needed to go on birth control pills for awhile to calm the PCOS down, I’d get my period in a week, blah, blah, blah. All I heard was “you’re not pregnant now, and you may never be.”
My personal journal entry on 3/22/11 is filled with some pretty strong words. It would be insensitive to recount those feelings of a year ago because we all know what happened: My doctor was wrong.
Unless this is an immature egg?
The point of my ramblings (assuming there ever is one…)? Don’t give up. I was this close to stopping fertility treatments. Many women go through much, much more than I did, but I was almost at my breaking point. If I gave up, I would have never met my favorite person in the world.
I have too many loved ones going through tough times right now: Fertility issues, heartbreaking diagnoses, relationship challenges, job drama, quarter (third?) life crises. Sometimes things suck. In a lot of instances, way worse than I could ever imagine. But more often than not, it gets better.
The best things in life rarely come easily.
Keep fighting, friends. A lot can change in a year. <3
I'm Jen: runner, health writer, and new(ish) mom.
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March 22nd, 2012 - 07:43
I really needed to hear that right now. Thanks Jen
March 22nd, 2012 - 07:46
Thank you SO much for writing this. I have been diagnosed with HA and I’m in the 2ww right now of my first IUI. I’m feeling discouraged and not very hopeful. I needed to see this today. Thanks!
March 22nd, 2012 - 07:52
Woah, it’s been a year? I still remember reading it on your blog (obvi much later), but I am so happy for you and your family
I know it’s been tough for you and the baby, but you have a miracle!
March 22nd, 2012 - 08:12
Great Post!
March 22nd, 2012 - 08:32
Love your post … I’m so glad you didn’t quite either … He’s perfect, what a great lil blessing
March 22nd, 2012 - 08:53
needed this this morning. thanks, friend
March 22nd, 2012 - 11:55
I was going to type the EXACT same thing.
March 22nd, 2012 - 11:59
twins
March 22nd, 2012 - 09:39
LOVE this post. Just curious, was your doctor upset at the time that you didn’t start the OCPs?
Hey, immature egg or not – one CUTE baby!
What a wonderful story for anyone struggling with infertility!
March 22nd, 2012 - 09:49
He wanted me to wait to get my period and then call him before starting BCPs. I never called him. I had a second opinion appointment a week after this with a new RE, and liked her much better, so I saw her for the beginning of my pregnancy. The first doctor never knew I was pregnant.
March 22nd, 2012 - 09:58
Thank you for this post! I’m going through this right now so it really means a lot right now. So great to know that there is always hope – you’re a living example. Thanks again.
March 22nd, 2012 - 10:00
Love you and love this post. You gave me chills.
XO
March 22nd, 2012 - 10:55
Yay
I love this post so much.
March 22nd, 2012 - 11:56
I love love love this – and absolutely needed this. I feel like I every time I turn around there’s a new obstacle getting in my way, but I have to just keep trucking along to get through it.
March 22nd, 2012 - 12:18
Love. This Post. Love.
March 22nd, 2012 - 21:00
I’m so glad you didn’t give up! Wyatt is so cute.
March 22nd, 2012 - 23:10
OH my gosh, the tears right now! What a difference a year makes, huh? So, so thrilled for you. Things like this still give me so much hope and optimism. <3
March 23rd, 2012 - 02:20
Great post and such a good lesson and reminder
Often times I think we are stronger than we realize and we might think or feel we are near our breaking point, but there is normally more that we can give.
March 23rd, 2012 - 10:32
You can subscribe in the top right corner! Thank you
March 23rd, 2012 - 09:10
Thank you for a great encouraging post. You mentioned going for a walk instead of a run that day. After the phone call from the doctor, did you change your exercise habits in the upcoming weeks? Also – had you cut back on running/exercise from the start of that new fertility drug cycle through your doctor’s appoinment?
March 23rd, 2012 - 10:33
Hi Kara, I talked specifically about what I did in this post: http://www.runnerstrials.com/2011/08/19/what-went-right/
Let me know if that doesn’t answer your questions, and I’d be happy to elaborate more!
March 23rd, 2012 - 14:25
So needed this post today. Recovering from my 3rd miscarriage and trying to decide what to do…. Thanks for the hope.
March 23rd, 2012 - 16:19
I love this!! Sooo much can change over time–I just have to remind myself that most change is good and welcome. I’m glad that you have a beautiful bouncing little one to help you see the positive
March 24th, 2012 - 15:48
Thank you for this encouraging post. I wish you all the happiness in the world as a new mom!
I just had another negative pregnancy test this morning after our fourth IUI. I really thought we had a shot this month after being more aggressive with medications and a having a seemingly “good” cycle, but still no luck. I am devastated. It’s difficult to imagine how it’s possible to keep going but then I will read a story like yours and feel a glimmer of hope. Even still, I feel like it might be time for a break from the emotional roller coaster. I was wondering, during your struggle with infertility did you ever take a break from trying? If so how did you know it was time?
March 24th, 2012 - 16:27
I’m so, so sorry Rebecca.
I had enough forced breaks (from surgery, etc.) that I didn’t take any extra. In 19 months of trying, I only had 5 cycles. But I think breaks are definitely good sometimes. Definitely take it if you need to! Hang in there <3
July 8th, 2012 - 17:22
I came to your blog from HTP and this was one of the “You Might Also Like…” posts. I found out this morning that my first IUI with injectables cycle failed. This post felt like it suggested to me for a reason. Thank you.