I'll admit, I used to be pretty successful at not comparing myself to others. Maybe it's because I don't have a sister or because I've never really been that good at anything.
But then infertility struck and I definitely had a case of the "why not me's" for awhile. And now that I'm a mom, it's challenging not comparing Wyatt to other babies or myself to other mothers. I'm doing the best I can to avoid this though. Yes, Babycenter, that means I unsubscribed from your weekly updates when Wyatt was 2 weeks old. I really didn't need to hear how the average baby only woke up 2-3 times each night at that age.
When it comes to running though, I cannot stop comparing myself to someone else: Me circa 2010.
Not current me.
She was faster, fitter, and had a much better attitude about her workouts than I do now. I want to be her so badly.
I know I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I just had a baby and haven't ran double digits or truly raced in over a year. And, yes, I'm well aware that I'm being ridiculously dramatic (what else is new? ). I know I'm so lucky to have run until I was 33 weeks pregnant, and even luckier that I was able to easily pick running up again at just 3 weeks postpartum.
It's just kind of disheartening to see slower paces on my Garmin and know without a doubt that my 1/2 marathon in 5.5 weeks (eek!) will not yield anything close to a PR. Yup, I'm one of those delusional runners who always enters a race thinking there's a chance to PR.
I wish I could just race for fun and enjoy the experience of running. I do both of those things, but I also really enjoy being competitive... with myself. One day, I'll beat her.
Until then, I'm trying to change my perspective. Every new distance I run now will be a PR for mama Jen. And she's pretty cool too. I know "fast" runner Jen circa 2010 would have been super jealous of all "slow" runner Jen in 2012 has.
On that note, when do PRs "expire"? I was always under the impression if you ran a certain time at some point in your life, it was yours to own forever. But I can see how that can lead to a lot of disappointment though.
Guess who turned 3 months old today?
On one hand, I feel like time is flying. I look back at Wyatt's newborn pictures and already can't remember him being that small. But on the other hand, it's nearly impossible to remember my life before him.
Here's our 3 month update:
My little guy had a lot of firsts this month:
- First road trip. He was miserable! We are only flying to NJ from now on.
- First time meeting both sides of the family, including 5 great-grandparents. He seemed to adore everyone!
- First time sleeping through the night! Tummy sleeping is still going well. We get about 6-7 uninterrupted hours each night. Pure bliss.
- First time being sick. At least I think he's sick. He's had a fever the past few days and has been screaming his head off. It's either that or some early signs of teething. Which is definitely a possibility since he's constantly drooling, chewing on everything (he even forgot how to suck his pacifier and just gnaws on it), and sticking his hand in his mouth.
Speaking of his hand, he's slowly starting to grab things, but only with his left hand. His left hand is also the only one that ends up in his mouth. Does this mean he'll be a lefty?
He's showing a lot more personality lately, too. I absolutely love his coos. I can already tell the difference between the happy sighs and I'm-getting-bored sighs. His noises are too precious.
He flashes smiles every morning, but the rest of the day is dominated by dirty looks. I like to believe this means he won't be afraid to say how he really feels once he gets older, like his mommy.
Unfortunately, the third month wasn't all fun. Wyatt's reflux is still an issue. Projectile vomiting made a return this week. And I finally accepted the fact that he has colic. At least five nights a week, my evenings are spent bouncing, rocking, shhh-ing, and doing anything possible to calm him down. Luckily, his rough periods only last from about 6- 10pm. I know it could be a lot worse!
I love being Wyatt's mom so much! It's oddly refreshing to go from always having structured, predictable days to truly not know what to expect each morning.
The evenings are pretty hard. Sometimes, I find myself crying along with Wyatt or sending my husband desperate texts begging him to come home early. But, like the whole not sleeping issue, I know this stage is temporary and will be a vague memory soon.
Running is going well, especially now that I can run with Wyatt. My speed is coming back more quickly than my endurance which was unexpected. I'm getting the itch to race again, too. I can't wait for my half marathon in April!
My weight loss continues to be slow and steady. I'm only one pound away from my pre-pregnancy weight, but a few more pounds away from my normal weight. Though my stomach is still much larger than normal.
I don't fit into any of my old pants, so I finally sucked it up and bought new jeans this week. It's tempting to try to diet or count calories, but I still believe it's just going to take my body time (and abandoning some excuses) to get back to normal. Especially since I'm continuing to lose weight. Hopefully toning up will happen as I get in better shape.
Plus, breast-feeding really takes a toll on me physically. Constant snacking is the only way I feel energized enough to function. Nursing Wyatt is my body's top priority now, and I fear even being slightly restrictive with my eating habits may put successful breast-feeding in jeopardy.
On to month 4. Let the adventure continue!
Somehow today is Ash Wednesday. Didn't February just start? Seriously, how are we approaching March so quickly?
For Lent, I think it's important to make sacrifices. I usually give up some kind of treat and try to be nicer to others. Chocolate, baked goods, soda, and gum have made a steady rotation on my give-up-for-Lent-list since I was a child. But this year, I need to try something new.
Since becoming a mommy nearly 3 (!) months ago, I've gotten into a horrible habit. I make excuses for everything.
Issue: My house is a mess.
Excuse: It's OK because I have no time during the day to clean.
Issue: I rarely cook dinner.
Excuse: It's OK because I can't cook while holding a baby, and he doesn't have a predictable bed time. So I'll continue to live off of peanut butter sandwiches.
Issue: I'm barely following my half marathon training plan.
Excuse: It's OK to not do my Smartcoach-prescribed workouts because I have no one to watch baby while I run.
Issue: I do my freelance work in the middle of the night.
Excuse: It's OK because I went without much sleep for 9 weeks, so surely it's fine if I only clock 4-5 hours each night now.
Issue: My jeans are no where close to fitting.
Excuse: It's OK because I just had a baby. How long can you say you "just" had a baby anyway?
Issue: I'm eating way too many sweets.
Excuse: It's OK because I'm breastfeeding.
Issue: I am drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee.
Exactly: It's OK because I need to be alert to care for my baby.
It's time for the excuses to stop. I'm giving up using the baby/ my role as a mom as an excuse. Most other new moms accomplish way more than I do during the day. Is it because they have perfect little angel babies? Nope, their babies are no different than mine. They just have better attitudes and don't make lame excuses.
So it's settled. When Wyatt naps, I need to actually put him down and clean. I can bring his bouncy seat into the kitchen so I can cook dinner. I can get a babysitter so I can get my freelance projects done during the daylight hours. I can follow my training plan fairly easily if I leave him in the (gasp!) germ-infested gym childcare. Cutting back on the sweets will help me fit into my jeans. And switching to decaf for my third (and fourth...) cups of coffee certainly won't jeopardize my ability to care for Wyatt.
Of course, my excuses aren't all going to stop overnight. Small changes are best for lasting behavior changes after all. And I'd like my excuse-free living to last way more than 40 days. I'm going to make sure I avoid one excuse each day though.
Just for good measure, I'm also giving up Coffeemate. I usually only have it when the gingerbread flavor is available, but I've been downing the French vanilla lately.
I'll report back after Easter!