Expectations vs. reality
I'm one of those people who always pictures how future events will play out. Sometimes my visions are better than what really happens, sometimes they're worse, but they're always different.
So, it should not surprise me that some of my expectations for my new life as a mother were so off. Case and point:
1. Taking care of baby.
Expectation: I'd heard from friends that the first 2-3 weeks of caring for a newborn were the hardest. "My baby didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 weeks old." "If you can get through the first 3 weeks, the rest is easy." I dropped my mom off at the airport the day Wyatt turned one week. I remember thinking the next time I see her (tomorrow!) Wyatt will be 4 weeks old and everything will be going so much better.
Reality: Ha! Being sleep deprived for one week is way easier than clocking fewer than 3 hours of shut-eye total each night for nearly a month. Caring for a baby who just sleeps all the time is much easier than caring for a reflux-y baby. He's been on axid for the past week and it has helped his vomiting, but he always seems to be in pain and his digestive system is so noisy. I've been instructed to eliminate dairy from my diet and cut back on the fiber to see if that helps. We see his doctor later this week for his one month (!) checkup, so I hope we can get more answers then.
A rare moment of quiet.
2. My free time.
Expectation: Jeff doesn't get home from work until after 8pm. This means if I want to workout and get other things done, I need to do it before 8:30 am, when he leaves for work. I'm a morning person and wake up around 6am each day anyway, so I assumed I'd have plenty of time to exercise, walk Nati, do laundry, shower, bake Christmas cookies, etc. each day.
Reality: I'm so delusional! ''Free" time is quite hard to come by these days. Wyatt usually wakes to eat between 6-6:30 each morning. Sometimes he goes back to sleep, sometimes he doesn't. If he does fall asleep, I feel like I should get some extra rest too. If he doesn't, then my day of having Wyatt within a one foot radius of me at all times begins. I've tried to make it to the gym each morning this week. But I'm only 1 for 3. Though I'm honestly pretty proud of that! The Christmas cookie situation is much more grim; it's 4 days before Christmas and I still haven't baked- or even eaten- a single festive treat. Definitely a new record.
Inedible festive treat.
3. My fitness.
Expectation: I thought I'd be starting from scratch when it came to running. I took close to an 8 week break from running and 3.5 weeks off from all exercise. I thought I'd have zero fitness postpartum.
Reality: Running is going much better than expected! Well, except I haven't run as often as I'd like to (see #2). On my first run back, I felt slow and needed a lot of walk breaks. But I was still pleasantly surprised by the distance I covered (3.1 miles) and my average speed (10:00min/ mi). Since then, I've run two more 5ks at a slightly faster pace and haven't needed any walk breaks. I have a very long way to go to gain back to speed and endurance, but I couldn't be happier with my fitness level at this point.
PS- Thanks for all of the when to take baby out advice. We tried the Ergo (+ infant insert) and Wyatt seemed to like it! I'm going to ask his doctor at this week's visit when he thinks it's OK to start taking him out in it.
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December 21st, 2011 - 14:34
Aside from the reflux part, I think I could have written this. My kid didn’t start sleeping through the night until 7 months! Once I started taking her out in the Bob (at about 3 1/2 months), I finally started feeling like myself again. Glad to hear your fitness wasn’t totally derailed. By the way, he’s absolutely adorable! And don’t worry about baking Christmas cookies this year, that’s why the wonderful elves at grocery stores make and decorate them for you. Give yourself a pass this holiday season.
December 21st, 2011 - 14:40
Hang in there – it does get better! I’ve always been told it takes about 3-6 months to find a new idea of “normal”.. so I’m kinda working with that time frame. We’re 7 weeks (and a day!) in and as my little bean is getting more responsive and starting to work out some sort of “schedule”, it’s getting more manageable. I hope the reflux gets better for you guys soon so you can actually catch some sleep!
December 21st, 2011 - 14:41
Thank you for sharing your feelings about expectations before the baby arrived compared to the reality of caring for a newborn. All I can say is, Motherhood basicaly body slams you on your ass – then hits you with lots of other fun things like colic and reflux to add to the fun of sleep deprivation. Wow, I hope I didn’t scare any mom’s to be away! But you are totally right about taking your expectations down a notch… or 12 notches. I dealt with reflux/colic/screaminess for about 8-10 hours a day with my son so the first two months were miserable. Once we got him on medicine, learned that he loved to be VIGOROUSLY bounced in his bouncy seat and my husband and I took turns each night giving each other a break from the screaming, I realized that we were going to survive. It got better, much more slowly than I wanted, but it did get better with time. After several failed attempts, I did not get back to running full time until he was about 9 months old. You are doing a WONDERFUL job so far and I wish you the best with getting back in your exercise habits.
December 21st, 2011 - 14:50
I want to comment on all the new mama stuff… but instead my mind is all distracted by CUTE DUCKIES!
Hopefully you get a handle on his reflux soon- if it all comes right, you’ll be an absolutely master when it comes to dealing with a “normal” baby
December 21st, 2011 - 15:02
I don’t recall you saying if your hip injury was pregnancy related or if it was a stress fracture as your doctor thought. Apparently it’s not bothering you now?
And I’m sure you can’t hear enough how adorable ze baby is: he’s a cutie!
December 21st, 2011 - 15:07
We never found out if it was definitely a stress fracture or not. I was off crutches after 2 weeks though and now I have zero pain walking or running. I have a gut feeling it was just pregnancy-related. So happy for that!
December 21st, 2011 - 15:27
aw he looks so cute!
I am in shock YOU haven’t had OR baked Christmas cookies. This is very very not like you! I havent made any either and I have no new baby excuse. Pathetic.
December 21st, 2011 - 17:12
I am so happy you will have parental help soon! you need a break!
December 21st, 2011 - 18:56
Parenthood sounds exhausting! It’s interesting to hear how your reality is shaping up compared to what you expected.*
December 21st, 2011 - 19:22
I think you’ll soon find that reality eventually does align more closely with expectations. I know every baby is different, but I could have written a very similar post a few weeks ago. At six weeks, everything starting getting easier/better. Now she is 8+ weeks old, and I am sleeping, working out, baking, cooking and keeping the house relatively neat .
December 21st, 2011 - 20:27
I’m right there with you with expectations vs. reality of having a baby. My daughter is 8 months old now and there are some days I still struggle to get some things done. I never knew how much I could appreciate a baby taking nap. My daughter will doze off and I’m like…what can I do on my to do list that’s a mile long? But because I’m a working mom, half the time I just want to sleep! Hang in there, at least once they get a little older you can put them down a bit more or they can entertain themsleves a little longer.
Kudos to you for getting your workouts in still, those were the only thing that kept me sane in the first couple of months postpartum. ( :
December 21st, 2011 - 20:28
I hope the reflux med is helping with his feeds! I also cut out milk (replaced with almond milk), but not yogurt, because of the probiotics in it, in addition to gassy veggies like broccoli & cauliflower, and keep tomato sauce to a minimum (pizza with little cheese ok, saucy pasta, not). Seemed to help with het symptoms, in addition to giving her the glycerin suppository Pedia-lax. We still hear he stomach gurgling at times, though she became a lot more comfortable at feedings. Oh, and I avoid caffeine. Have you read “The Happiest Baby on th Block” book? It offers some good tips for calming babies with colic, worked well for Maya. Also, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” is a good one.
Jen
Jen
December 21st, 2011 - 22:40
I’m enjoying reading these posts as my daughter was born Dec. 6th. Boy, with all that prep for birth, I should have prepped for parenting! I’m an emotional mess convinced I’m a bad mother. Today she didn’t gain as much as she should have at her ped appointment and I spent half the day crying and the other half with her attached to my chest! Nice to hear that someone else is finding this a little harder than expected too! We’ll make it through though!
PS–My birth story was similar to yours in a few ways!
December 22nd, 2011 - 01:14
First of all: sounds like you are doing a great job taking care of your little guy.
Second: people are supposed to BRING cookies to new moms. You are not supposed to have time to make them. (Or you will make the rest of us normal moms look really bad!)
Third: hang in there. I didn’t usually get my groove back (or find my new groove, that is) until my babies were at least 3 months old. Many babies have regular fussy/restless/cranky times between 3 weeks and 3 months of age– hard, but normal.
So glad he seems to do OK with the ergo, and that running is going well when you get it!
Best wishes,
Mary, mom to 10
December 22nd, 2011 - 02:42
Oh, the time thing! I wake up at 5:30 now to make sure I can get a run/workout in. Otherwise, it’s very likely that wouldn’t happen. The only way I’ve done any baking is by putting her in a swing and having her watch me bake until she falls asleep. It’s sad that the only reason I’m looking forward to going back to work is so I can have a little time to myself during the day…
It did get a little easier for me. Getting her on a schedule helped tremendously. Just saying…
December 22nd, 2011 - 10:03
I really appreciate this. I love reading new mom updates, especially being (nearly) 18 weeks pregnant and not entirely sure what to expect. I might love reading new mom updates more than birth stories!
December 23rd, 2011 - 14:15
The pictures of Wyatt are too cute! thanks so much for sharing. I really like hearing all the expectation v. reality!! It is really great information for someday soon hopefully