A step in the right direction
I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. Wyatt has been asking to eat nearly every hour for the last day. Fifteen minutes of feeding + 30 minutes holding him upright so he doesn't puke= 15 minutes left before the next feeding. Growth spurt? Medication side effect? (Yes, he's on acid reflux meds now. I'll share more about this soon.) Whatever the reason, I have no time to do… well anything.
Being a new mom is tough. Heck, being an old mom is probably no walk in the park either. There is always something to worry about: Will his reflux-related choking cause him to stop breathing in the middle of the night? How will I raise him and keep my sanity with no family around to help out? How the heck will we afford to pay his much higher than estimated monthly health insurance premiums since I'm (still) unemployed?
Don't get me wrong. I love Wyatt and enjoy being a mom more than I ever could have imagined. I wouldn't trade my situation for anything. But this new role and the responsibility that comes with it can be quite overwhelming.
The hardest part of this for my type A personality self? All of my mommy-related worries are way beyond my control. So what's a control freak, anxiety-ridden girl to do? Find something she can control, of course.
On Monday, I woke up and forgot I had given birth 2.5 weeks ago. The pain, the chills, and the night sweats had suddenly subsided. Then on Tuesday, the bleeding stopped. I felt like me again- albeit a very tired me. I waited a few days to make sure my recovery was real and not just wishful thinking.
Then today, once Jeff got home and I pumped, I did something that I could count on to make the old me happy. Something I could somewhat control. Something that always gives me perspective. Something that reminds me that my stressors aren't that bad, and are definitely something I'll overcome.
Today, I ran. It was my first run as a mom and my first run back since getting injured on October 25.
I was slow. I took a lot of walk breaks. I got easily winded. I felt heavy. I thought my boobs were going to fall off. I missed being apart from Wyatt.
But it was an incredible experience and went much better than expected. My hip didn't hurt at all either!
In 31 minutes, I went from being a ball of stress to feeling immeasurably grateful for all of my blessings. I went from being a paranoid, "I have no idea what I'm doing" mom to a mother who knows she's doing the best she can and that everything will work out. I went from being a postpartum mother in recovery to a mother who runs.
Sorry Advil; running is the real every pain reliever. And that's why I run and will continue to run for as long as I can.
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December 16th, 2011 - 18:19
December 16th, 2011 - 18:21
Awesome. Congrats on your first run back
December 16th, 2011 - 18:33
I’m so glad you had a chance to get out on your own for a run! It’s definitely the best hour of my day, although I do love the other 23 hours with my baby!
December 16th, 2011 - 18:35
Sounds like a run was just what you needed!*
December 16th, 2011 - 18:46
Your first run back postpartum post-injury is the pace of one of my “decent” runs, hahaha! Good for you!
December 16th, 2011 - 18:50
i can’t stress enough how important it is for you to some how carve sometime out for yourself every day or so. dealing with a newborn and all the stress that goes with it is very difficult, this stress/worry.frustration isn’t something people talk about very much and it’s very real
December 16th, 2011 - 19:05
So happy to hear that things are improving and moving in the right direction! Congrats on getting out running so quickly after birth. I am also impressed with your pace. Nice job Mama!
December 16th, 2011 - 19:06
I always feel like my life is so much more in order after a run. So glad you got to get out there!
December 16th, 2011 - 19:19
Wow, you got back to that FAST! Good job and keep it up. Also, Wyatt is absolutely adorable. I see his picture and it just makes me smile. I can’t imagine how wonderful if must feel to have him in your life
December 16th, 2011 - 20:41
~Great job Jen~ You made me smile! I pray your little man’s reflux is quickly resolved! Been there done that with a pukie baby and in the end for us numerous food allergies were the trigger but I am so glad we got it figured out. I am so hoping your path is easier with sweet little Wyatt! (Good gravy he’s so adorable!)
Congrats again on your handsome little man and having such a great run!
December 16th, 2011 - 21:12
The baby looks soo much like your husband in that pictureee! Adoreable
December 16th, 2011 - 21:13
This post made me smile BIG! Running is so many good things to so many different people!
December 16th, 2011 - 21:30
Wow! Remember when you were worried it would take several weeks of recovery before you were up and running again? What a great feeling!
Maybe Wyatt is going through a growth spurt now that he is at his due date? I remember reading somewhere that growth spurts typically occur at 3, 6, and 9 weeks; 3, 6, and 9 months. We have used our Fisher Price bouncy seat to prop Maya up after feedings to help with the reflux–before she had much neck support, we would roll up a blanket like a log, and create an upside-down “u” cushioning her head. Maya was a bit too fussy for baby carriers when she was a newborn, but many moms swear by infant carriers like the baby K’tan, or the Ergo Baby with the newborn insert. This way baby stays upright, and your hands are free, and maybe you can both catch a snooze. Did your doc suggest pumping milk and thickening it up a bit with a special powder to be given by a bottle, so it stays down better? The book “Baby 411″ has lots of great tips like this.
Anyway, glad to see you were able to get some time to yourself. So important!
Jen
December 16th, 2011 - 22:21
Your pace is VERY impressive for your first run…like, that is my NORMAL pace impressive
Do you have an angel monitor? My sister suggested I get one with my first and it really helped me sleep. (incase you don’t have one…) It has a flat sensor pad that fits under the mattress (I even rigged mine in the pack n play bassinet with my second) and monitors breathing. If the baby stops breathing an alarm goes off. Like I said earlier…better than a sleeping pill for me! My second has reflux so I TOTALLY understand the chocking fear. And like PP we added some rice before starting medicine and it worked well. She was a little older though…4 months…so that might be the difference. Have fun and take care.
mhc
December 19th, 2011 - 18:25
I have an angel monitor! But the sensor doesn’t work in his pack n play, and he’s sleeping in that in our room til he’s a bit older.
December 21st, 2011 - 14:58
I had the same issue and talked to a few friends and found out that one of them got it to work by putting plywood under it. Because I am not a DYIer (and never will be!) I did not have plywood laying around. I took a diaper box (plenty of those laying around) cut off the four main sides and duck taped them together…that was too much and created a hump…three sides was perfect.
My older daughter was brine DEc 17 (I can’t believe she just turned 2) and I worried about taking her out. We have LOTS of family in town and I really did not want to miss anything. I got a sleepy wrap that kept her away from all the older cousins and their running noses and kept her close to me. My younger daughter hates the wraps so I understand that issue. I got the infant insert and we rocked the Ergo from the time she was about 2 weeks old. Loved it.
FINALLY…having a DEc baby I totally understand missing your Christmas cookies…can I tell you that with 2 under 2 there are SO many things that I buy now that I used to make! We can just look forward to making cookies with a helper in a few years!
Happy Holidays!
December 16th, 2011 - 23:06
Great job on your first run back! My 5K PR is actually 47 secs SLOWER than your time. You must be reallllly fast!
December 16th, 2011 - 23:21
So glad you got to get out there and run!
December 17th, 2011 - 07:58
I’d be surprised for most moms to get back out there so fast, but I think since you ran throughout your pregnancy that probably helped a lot!
December 17th, 2011 - 08:13
Hip Hip Hooray! You found the real reason why I run! To clear my mind and the stress of being a mommy & wife and all of the other hats that I wear. I am so glad you were able to get 30 minutes in. Hang on. The first 6-8 weeks of a new baby is basically mommy & daddy boot camp. It does get easier!!!
December 17th, 2011 - 09:17
I have been reading your blog for a while now, but never really commented. Reading this particular post in my google reader this morning made me laugh and think how much I am really like this. While I’m not a mom (hopefully some day), I always feel the need to control something. Right now I have the mentality of, since I can’t control anything else going on with my body (or in life at times), I can control my exercise and eating habits. I wonder where the need for feeling in ‘control’ comes from?
December 17th, 2011 - 09:36
congratulations on your first post-baby run. i’m so happy to hear that it went well and that it made you so happy!
December 17th, 2011 - 10:38
YAY and a big congrats on your first post baby run!!! So glad that your hip didn’t hurt and it gave you some time to yourself..you definitely deserve it. Love the race shirt, Go Jersey!!!!
December 17th, 2011 - 11:42
Woo hoo!! First baby run!! AND you look terrific doing it! Wyatt is so adorable and I’m glad he is feeding (even if its all the time!!)
xo Marie
Chocolate & Wine
December 17th, 2011 - 15:40
Ok that is not slow for someone who just had a baby 2.5 weeks ago and hasn’t run since October! And as a mom who is also very type A and loves to run, I can totally relate to this post!
December 17th, 2011 - 16:57
Hey!
Yeah, that’s impressing. Your run and your pace! Wow. And everything else too. Well done!
December 18th, 2011 - 12:15
Wow! I cannot believe you were able to run already! Can’t wait to see you.
December 18th, 2011 - 21:22
As a runner and a mom of two (2.5 and 7 mo), that first run back is the best. You feel so much like yourself and you find just what you need to keep you sane. Take it easy, go slow and do only as much as you can. Your body is still healing, but do continue to run when it feels good. Congratulations and have fun with Wyatt. Just remember, when it comes to the lack of sleep and the puking, this will pass quicker then you think, even though it doesn’t feel like it, it will, trust me. And you will be back to your normally scheduled running before you know it. But it does take time to get there, enjoy the ride!
December 19th, 2011 - 16:51
From a mom with older kids enjoy this new born phase. This is the best time with kids you will miss it when he is older. I moved when my kids were new borns and knew nobody and no family near. I enjoyed every moment because I knew it would be gone in an instant. I am not a type A like you so it was different but I did not want to leave my baby with any one and just wanted to be with them. if you can meet some new moms who have similar parenting as you it is fun. My kids never slept more than 1 hour and my first was colicky. You will have more time when he is older and once you go back to work.