A familiar feeling
Yesterday morning, I was cranky. I slept awfully (but for a good reason, someone in my belly was moving all night long 
), there was some drama with my former employer, I heard my grandpa was being admitted to the hospital for the second time this week, and there's that whole not having a job or enough money thing.
I dragged my feeling-sorry-for-myself behind to the treadmill (because this pregnant lady doesn't own running clothes appropriate for THIRTY-NINE degree weather) and assumed the run would suck.
No fewer than 5 minutes into the run, I felt amazing. Not physically, but mentally. The stressors in my life didn't change, but my perspective shifted.
I was taken back to last year, when I was marathon training and attempting to get pregnant. Thanks to infertility, I'd often be in an awful place mentally, but a run would ease my mind like nothing else. Treadmill runs were especially therapeutic workouts. I frequently did tempo and interval runs on the treadmill (it's a great way to learn what a goal pace feels like). The better I felt, the higher I'd turn up the speed. I'd always leave the gym feeling spent yet refreshed.
As tempting as it was to press the "up" speed button yesterday, I refrained (you're welcome, baby). But it got me thinking: I cannot wait to train again.
Since getting the positive test, I've been thinking a lot about my training and race schedule for next year. If we are blessed enough to take home baby boy in December, we eventually will want more kids. Our doctor wants us to "try" again after a year because my endometriosis will likely grow back. Sure we could wait longer, pay out of pocket for that fun surgery again, and hope it works again, but I'd really rather avoid it if possible.
So the question has been: do I play it conservatively, not train for many races, and try to regain my fertility asap? Or do I go all out, marathon and triathlon train, and just focus on my existing baby instead of his possible future siblings?
I'm leaning towards the latter. Motherhood is going to be tough. Training won't be easy between not sleeping much, breast-feeding, and dealing with my lactose intolerance issues. But running hard and pushing myself makes me happy.
And a happy mommy= a good mommy.
Besides, I want to give my son my full attention for one year. I don't want to worry about my ovaries or the growths in my uterus and become an emotional basket-case again yet. Maybe ignoring my fertility for all of 2012 is irresponsible. But I think it's exactly what my family needs.
Now who has good recommendations for a flat, fall 2012 marathon?
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October 21st, 2011 - 06:53
I’m so glad to have read your post this morning. Your attitude to enjoy the blessing you have been given will reward you for years on end. It’s fun to push ourselves towards something (13.1 miles anyone?) but it is so gratifying to sit back and enjoy the life that is given to us. Many blessings to you.
Mary Ann
October 21st, 2011 - 06:55
I’m looking for a fun, flat fall marathon too for my post baby marathon. I’ve got my eye on Rock n Roll Savannah and the Outerbanks Marathon (both in November). I’d love to run one a little earlier but haven’t had look finding one. I’m hoping you get some good recommendations!!!
October 22nd, 2011 - 06:40
i have run the outer banks half and it was great! a little windy, but SUPER flat and very well organized. i would do it again!
October 21st, 2011 - 07:04
I think you can train all through 2012 and then see how your fertility is in 2013 – no problem. Does your doctor think if you wait MORE than a year, infertility could be an issue again? At any rate, if you’re able to, I would go all out during baby’s first year when you don’t want to be thinking about pregnancy again anyway. That’s my plan anyway! Good luck!
October 21st, 2011 - 08:11
I have endo too, and yeah, if you wait, it starts to grow again, that’s why it’s a pretty important decision!
October 21st, 2011 - 07:23
Glad your run helped!!!
I am also thinking about training/what’s next. Actually, I already have my back-to-running plan and half marathon plan written out. They are both really conservative because I want to be successful with breastfeeding, so I’ll be sharing the demand on my body. As far as a flat fall marathon, we’re thinking of doing Philly again next year. It’s later in the season, so, we’ll see. 
October 21st, 2011 - 07:32
The Columbus Marathon! I just did it on Sunday. It’s super flat and awesome
I think it will be on Oct 15 next year
October 23rd, 2011 - 19:52
Columbus rocks!
October 21st, 2011 - 07:36
Only you can make that call! I would just make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself with training and being home with a newborn. Long runs and training workouts are time consuming. Plus races are $$$. But you’ll figure it out. I don’t think you’ll even be able to make that decision until the baby is here.
October 21st, 2011 - 07:41
I don’t think this sounds irresponsible at ALL! i’m a firm believer that in order to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself – if that means training and racing, then i say go for it! and of course, along the way, you can teach your son (and/or any future sons or daughters…) the same, and that a healthy lifestyle is fun and rewarding!!
October 21st, 2011 - 07:48
I think you have a good plan. I was going to say OBX or Savannah like the first commenter
OBX half was really gorgeous, I think you’d love it- right along the water. I’ll let you know how Savannah is in a couple weeks when I check it out with Kelly!
October 21st, 2011 - 07:55
I can only give my personal experience, but the key is to figure out what feels right for you. Due to SPD I had to quit running at 34 weeks and I started training right after I gave birth. For me it was a time to focus on me and have a little alone time. By the time the weather was nice I was running with baby in the BOB and it was always good for a nap (and one of the few ways she’d nap!). I think running and having that time to focus on me has made me a better mother. Without it I am crabby, stressed and tend to get more frustrated with others, so my running makes us all happier people
October 21st, 2011 - 08:15
I agree that getting back to running sooner rather than later is necessary since it helps calm you mentally. I also agree that you will need to play the training thing by ear. The demands of a newborn are like no other and can be very tiring. i would not commit to making any decisions right now and just see how it goes. Only you will know what is right!
October 21st, 2011 - 08:18
You are a great writer, Jen! So good at expressing exactly what you’re feeling. I think you need to trust yourself on this one – it seems like a tough decision but ultimately one that only you and your husband can answer. With all of the emotional push and pull that infertility seems to (rightfully) bring, I can completely understand your wanting to give yourself a physical, mental and emotional break from it and focus on your new baby. So many mothers give up self-care to take care of their kids, but you’re right that you won’t be able to fully take care of your family if you don’t first take care of your own needs too.
October 21st, 2011 - 08:30
Based on my experience it may happen when you least expect it! Stage 3 endometriosis, 2 years of infertility treatments, success with 3rd IVF, 8 months later, still breastfeeding, surprise! Pregnant all on our own…and the Dr said it couldn’t happen…sometimes you just never know!!
October 21st, 2011 - 09:09
That is so amazing! Congrats
October 21st, 2011 - 08:49
that sounds like such a hard decision, but i think you are absolutely right when you say a happy mommy = a good mommy. with that kind of philosophy, i know you’ll make the right choice!
October 21st, 2011 - 08:51
1.) I LOVE those runs. Workouts like that explain why I have not only grown to love tempo runs, but also love running on the treadmill. There is nothing like continuing to bump up the speed until you’re running to sheer exhaustion. Twisted? Maybe. But definitely exhilarating.
2.) Baystate is not cold! I promise! It’s actually my favorite marathon. Well, besides Boston. I’ll admit that my love for it is probably due to the fact that it’s the first marathon I BQ’d at, but when I ran it the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. 50s, mix of sun and clouds, no wind. It’s pretty flat except for a a few little inclines but if anything they help break up the monotony of running. Plus Lowell in October is beautiful. Can you tell I’m a little biased…
3.) I know this is a very important, personal decision for you that goes beyond whether or not you simply enjoy training. If you do come back to racing in 2012 though, I’m really excited to see how it goes. I’ve already told Lizzy I want to help her run a sub-4, so it would be fun if we all ran the same race together.
October 21st, 2011 - 08:57
I say wait & see how you feel after you have your little guy. If your body starts craving running and training right away, then do that. But if your body starts craving another baby, try again! I don’t know if I’ll have any problems getting pregnant, but my husband and I already know we’re starting with 1, and not deciding about another one until we see how we feel after the 1st.
October 21st, 2011 - 08:58
You have to do what feels right for you and your family and what you think will make you happy. And it would be a long way for you to drive but we have a pretty decent flat marathon in October here in Louisville, KY
October 21st, 2011 - 09:16
Depending on how far you want to travel, the Grand Rapids Marathon (in MI) is flat and it is the most fun I have ever had at a marathon. Really awesome course, volunteers & aid stations (and if you like pickle juice… well, they serve it at 2 of the later aid stations).
October 21st, 2011 - 10:12
Chicago! Just ran it as my first marathon 2 weeks ago. Such an amazing experience, very well put together.
October 21st, 2011 - 10:16
i can only imagine how excited you must be to get back to training. in the meantime, i am so awed by your ability to run so well so late in your pregnancy. it’s really cool to watch!
October 21st, 2011 - 10:25
I did Atlantic City this past weekend and it was pretty awesome. There were some overpasses, but no big hills.
October 21st, 2011 - 10:50
I almost did that one last year (because it’s close to my parents). Glad to hear you enjoyed it!
October 21st, 2011 - 10:28
I swear running keeps me sane and makes me a better mother!!
I’ll let you know how Savannah goes in 2 weeks! It’s definitely flat and I’m hoping it fun
And while I know this isn’t true for everyone – I had fertility issues with my first baby, but not at all with my 2nd, so taking a break from focusing on your fertility is definitely not a bad idea!!
October 21st, 2011 - 12:32
I ran the Fargo, ND 1/2 marathon this spring. You won’t find flatter! At least I don’t think
I decided that if I ever to a full (most likely 2013) I would do Fargo. The crowd support and race in general is amazing.
I am a relatively new reader, so belated congrats on your pregnancy
October 21st, 2011 - 14:18
You are a great writer. I hope you will find a job where you can use this great talent again. I have a 22 month old and a 4 month old…just a little piece of advice…allow yourself to take one day at a time for a while. You will find that, “normal” does not exist (as it did) and you will wonder what the heck you did with all your time before the baby. You are VERY wise to know that you will need time to yourself and this, in and of itself, (I think) is a big part of avoiding PPD. I like in TN and only do 5 and 10Ks so flat is not in my vocabulary! If you want to come do the 7 Bridges Marathon in Chattanooga Scott and the girls and I will show you a good time and I’ll cheer you on after I finish the 10K!
October 21st, 2011 - 15:02
This post was just what I needed to read today. I’m currently working on a post for today about my running abilities (a.k.a, staring numbly at the screen trying to figure out what to say), and your post reminded me that there may just be some good runs left in me. If not, I know that I’ll be able to run fast again some day next year.
As for your situation, I agree with what you’ve said about focusing on your baby boy for a year while you train and make a triumphant return to racing. While fertility can be a tricky thing to deal with, I’ve always felt that you have to do what’s best for you. If that happens to be running and racing, at least for next year, then so be it.
A few of us in Michigan are discussing running the Marine Corps race next October. You should join!
October 21st, 2011 - 19:10
I don’t think I have ever commented on your blog – maybe once or twice – but I read a lot and felt compelled to comment on this. You are, of course, perfectly entitled to do whatever feels most natural and is the right choice for you. However, I hope you do not plan to blog about future infertility or struggles to conceive a second time. Going by your own words, your body has made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that once you relaxed on exercise, it was happy to get pregnant. Your body is clearly not designed to train as hard as you have done in the past, and I would think that, while running gives you energy and makes you feel “refreshed”, that a family would do this for you times 10. By training next year, you could damage your changes at getting pregnant in the future. You worked very hard to get pregnant and I’m not sure why you would throw all that away for a marathon.
October 21st, 2011 - 19:42
I don’t think my body has made anything perfectly clear, honestly. Exercise may have contributed to my anovulation, but I still needed fertility drugs to ovulate and get pregnant. And just because you respond to fertility drugs once does not mean you ever will again. Endometriosis is a totally different fertility issue and not related to my activity level at all.
And I don’t understand how training for one marathon will jeapardize my chances of conceiving in the future? After my marathon is over, I’ll cut back on running before I try to get pregnant again.
But thank you for your concern. I can see how my behavior wouldn’t make sense. There’s just no clear answer to any of this because running helps me so much mentally, but obviously I want to grow my family, too.
October 23rd, 2011 - 15:03
I understand what anon is saying. This is where the confusion came from:
“So the question has been: do I play it conservatively, not train for many races, and try to regain my fertility asap? Or do I go all out, marathon and triathlon train, and just focus on my existing baby instead of his possible future siblings? I’m leaning towards the latter.”
October 22nd, 2011 - 06:40
i have similar thoughts already! and i’ve already decided i’d like to do a half next fall (likely NOT a PR – just something to train for). when i’m ready to try for #2 (likely 2013) then i will dial things down again if i am not ovulating. i think it will be a lot easier this time because i think i KNOW what i need to do (be at a BMI of 21, not be running long distances, and probably take letrozole again!) and i won’t waste time spinning my wheels.
i too would love a full at some point, but with my job i don’t think i will have time for those super long runs. a half seems like a good compromise! i can save the fulls for after i am finished all childbearing (2? 3? . . .) and potentially working part time
October 22nd, 2011 - 06:43
PS: thunder road marathon was my favorite ever race. maybe not flat, but not terribly hilly and it would be so convenient for you!
October 22nd, 2011 - 07:16
I like the Thunder Road 1/2! I couldn’t handle the hills for a full though- you are so hardcore!
October 22nd, 2011 - 11:09
I just ran the baystate marathon in Lowell, MA it is SOOO flat!! It’s supposed to be the fastest Boston qualifier out there
October 23rd, 2011 - 02:07
That doesn’t sound irresponsible at all : ) It’s your life, you need to do what you feel is best.
October 27th, 2011 - 09:51
Shamrock in Va Beach. Very very flat.