The problem with should
It was bound to happen sooner or later. I guess I should be grateful that it didn't occur until later, though.
My runs have suddenly stopped going so well. And it honestly didn't take a full week for this to happen. Last Monday, I ran my regular 4 mile route pretty effortlessly at a 9:01 minute/ mile pace. On Thursday, I could only manage a slow run/ walk and didn't break a 10:00 min/ mi pace. I hoped this was a fluke, but then the same thing happened on Saturday and Sunday.
On Saturday, my run started out particularly awful. I was so frustrated that I came inside after one minute and pouted.
My runs should be going better. My runs should not have gone from awesome to crappy in a 72 hour period. I suck. I should not have gotten laid off. I should have a new job by now. I really suck.
It became clear that my foul mood was sparked by my crummy run, but it wasn't the cause of it. I knew all week that this weekend was the anniversary of my DNF. And this past Friday was officially the day my severance "ran out" and it was my goal to secure a new job by then. Yet I'm still unemployed.
I loathe the word should. Whether it comes from others or more often from myself. What purpose does it serve besides putting unnecessary pressure on someone and possibly setting them up for disappointment? (Of course, there are plenty of good reasons for the word should. You should not drink alcohol while pregnant, for example. Here, I'm focusing on shoulds that are opinions.)
My runs should be going better? Really? I'm 32 weeks pregnant and weigh 30 lbs. more than normal. Why wouldn't my runs suck? The fact that I'm still running at all is pretty amazing.
I should not have gotten laid off? Why the heck would I be spared when my company axed my entire department? This was beyond my control.
Shoulds can drive you crazy. I should be pregnant by now. I should enjoy cooking. I should be a better mom. I should not have eaten 4 cookies. I should not have cut that run short. I should brush my dog more often. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm going to try to change my attitude the next time I get a case of the shoulds. When the word should pops into my brain, I'm going to replace it with something positive.
On Saturday, after my one minute crappy run, I let the shoulds flood my mind. Once I changed my attitude, I headed back outside. My run was far from easy, but it was enjoyable because I just kept reminding myself how beneficial any exercise is for my baby. I finished with a slow pace, but somehow there was a smile on my face. <--- Apparently, I also learned how to rhyme.
It turns out a positive attitude can go a long way. Something I should have known by now. 
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October 17th, 2011 - 08:34
Very true! Great post!
October 17th, 2011 - 08:38
Yeah, I need to let go of the “should” be pregnant thing. It’s obviously going to happen when it happens, and I can’t do anything to control it. I can’t help but be frustrated though. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve been amazing with your running throughout pregnancy. I totally admire how far you’ve gotten with it!
October 17th, 2011 - 08:39
I wish we lived closer. You have such great wisdom, girl. I just wanted you to know that around 32 weeks is when my runs got pretty crappy. I think my baby girl dropped, and everything just felt heavier. I’ve gone from 3-4 miles outdoors to running REALLY slowly on the treadmill (barefoot because it feels best) at like a 11-12 min mile pace. Humbling, but I still feel great doing just that and slowing down. This might just be a temporarly slump — and also impacted by the other stuff going on in your life. Keep that positive attitude. We’re almost there . . . <3
October 17th, 2011 - 08:42
You just made me feel so much better. <3 I wish we lived closer, too. We could marathon train w/ strollers in tow!
October 17th, 2011 - 08:47
Great post. Whenever I say I’m gonna try to go do something my hubby corrects me and says …don’t say you’re gonna try. Just say you’re gonna do it. Helps get you in a better mindset!
Don’t beat yourself up about the running thing. You’ve been running for almost all of your pregnancy…and that’s pretty stinking awesome. Also, I’m sure the perfect job is lurking out there somewhere for you…and if you don’t find it before your little one arrives there’s probably a reason you’re home a little longer.
October 17th, 2011 - 08:58
You’re a freaking stud, Jen! I’ve been jealous of your 9 minute mile pace for weeks! I haven’t seen that since the 1st trimester! Don’t beat yourself up. Just remember that beautiful baby boy in your belly – he will be here soon and you won’t think another second about a crappy run…
October 17th, 2011 - 09:19
Awesome post! The should’s can totally eat you alive. I think we all do that to ourselves way too much. I’m glad you were able to turn your attitude around.
October 17th, 2011 - 09:32
I hear ya lady! Shoulds suck! I take ‘em all with a grain of salt that’s for sure. I’m not sure if you ever read The Artist’s Way, but it’s really fantastic for trying to get out of the “should” mindset
October 17th, 2011 - 09:39
I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time with running as of lately and I hope you are able to find a new job soon!
October 17th, 2011 - 10:01
I HATE shoulds! I use them way too often. They only bring us down! The only should I can think of that is a good one is the fact that you SHOULD be so proud that at this point you have still had good runs
and when your little one comes you can share your love of running and go out with the stroller together!
October 17th, 2011 - 10:02
This Reminds me of Sex and the City when Carrie writes an article asking why we, as women, are ‘should-ing’ all over ourselves
I agree- drop all the pressures of what you should be doing, and just enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy before meeting your sweet little guy!
October 17th, 2011 - 10:03
Well you know I’m a big believer in positive thinking now.
It’s amazing how the smallest attitude/thought changes can have such big impacts. Sounds like you’re headed in the right direction! Hope you have a better week this week. 
October 17th, 2011 - 10:14
I love the positivity, Jen! It is definitely a constant struggle for me sometimes lately, but I do try to remind myself that a negative attitude won’t do anything other than make me miserable and unpleasant to be around. I’m proud of you for running at all at this stage!
October 17th, 2011 - 10:17
You are going to have good running days and bad running days. You may not be able to run this week, but next week you may feel awesome again. You just never know. The important thing is to just back out there and try again. I went from barely able to run 30 miles at week 32 to running over 50 miles at week 35 my last pregnancy (I know this is more than you are running, but still…I had good weeks and bad weeks). Same goes for this pregnancy.
October 17th, 2011 - 10:23
That’s super encouraging! Thanks for sharing.
And you’re high mileage is nothing short of awesome!
October 17th, 2011 - 10:49
Jen, I agree with the above comment. The baby might just have moved into a funny position that has made you feel so so uncomfortable. I had three days where I couldn’t run because of the position she was in, and then miraculously had a great run the next day! Now I have days where power walking is even uncomfortable, but I know it’s just a day, and am thankful there are other things exercise wise I can do still!! I have no expectations now of what my workout will be!! I’m so impressed you have been running this long and at such a great pace. I hope your little boy can shift a bit for you so you an still keep rocking the runs! I’m sorry about your shoulds, I truly admire how you are handling your pregnancy, it gives me great perspective!
October 17th, 2011 - 11:47
I needed this post! I’ve been “shoulding” myself all weekend and it needs to stop. It’s the darn perfectionist in me! I really need to change my attitude although it’s sometimes hard when the habit is so engrained.
You are amazing running a 9 min mile at 32 weeks pregnant! I can’t do that and I’m not even pregnant! haha
October 17th, 2011 - 11:50
I’ve definitely been there. Well, obviously not the tough pregnancy runs part, but the struggling with should part…. I actually wrote a post about this a couple of months ago, because I was feeling weighed down about all the stupid stuff I should and shouldn’t do. Sometimes it’s so easy to lose sight of perspective. I know things are tough right now because of the situation that you’re in, and I’m really sorry for that. But I think you have a good attitude about everything. You’re allowed to have bad days, but the fact that you’ve taken a step back and put things into perspective is really good. I hope that you were just experiencing a slump last week and that running starts to feel easier next week. Either way, I admire how much you’ve continued to run/exercise throughout your entire pregnancy. I know I say it all the time but it’s true – you are my inspiration for running through pregnancy!
October 17th, 2011 - 12:15
Yesterday, I was sort of hit by a car while carrying my sister’s dog into a vehicle, and without even thinking, I protected that dog even if putting myself at risk. I’m sure that would be x1000 fold with a baby. Luckily, I wasn’t hurt, but bones break, weight can be lost, fitness can be regained. If running is not going well, it could be a sign, and you did say your baby is the most important thing to you…
Give yourself a break!
October 17th, 2011 - 12:41
Yikes! I’m so glad you- and the dog- are OK.
October 17th, 2011 - 13:26
jen – i’m sorry to hear you had a less than stellar week of running and i hope it comes back to you soon. in the meantime, i love your attitude of being thankful that you’re still even able to run at this point in pregnancy.
it is easy to get consumed by the “should have/could have” way of thinking but it sounds like you’re on the right track by actively trying to change that.
October 17th, 2011 - 14:26
I learned a great phrase this past summer….. “Don’t should on yourself.”
October 17th, 2011 - 14:30
LOVE it!
October 17th, 2011 - 14:44
Great post! I am amazeed aat how ffast you can still run! You rock!
I hate how easily we give into those lies when something less than stellar hhappens. You are awesome and i know things will turn out ok!
October 17th, 2011 - 14:54
I haven’t run regularly since week 9; I’m so uncomfortable (plus I had 2 falls). This makes me sad, so I completely understand the sadness of NOT having good runs. I hope that you get to have some adequate or better runs in the few weeks.
I am a firm believer in “everything eventually works itself out” – and I hope that’s the case for you, too!
October 17th, 2011 - 15:08
I think you are a hero, and you have a lot to deal with. I did not feel comfortable running since my first trimester (I am at 36 weeks now) – so I am envious of your ability to run at all at 32 weeks and feel that I somehow failed my fitness goals for pregnancy due to not running! Everything is a matter of perspective
and from where I stand, you are doing great… although it does not seem like this to you… hang in there, you will get your runnig legs back. Preganancy is a very humbling experience and I think that it is for good reason – gives us a kick in the ass to not take ourselves and out “plans” so seriously – learn to let go and go with the flow of things. It is so hard, but I think I am gradually learning!
this past weekend all my running friends did Nike women’s marathon in SF, some did their best marathon time ever and there are pictures posted all over FB… I am so happy for them and feel a little sad that I could not run it this year, but then I think of a baby girl waiting to come out, the baby I have been trying to have and my marathon envy seems plain silly in comparison.
there will be a lot more runs and marathons and awesome fitenss expereinces in the future, for now, slowing down is not a bad thing. Enjoy every day
October 17th, 2011 - 15:30
Gosh, we really are so much alike! I remember my running changing suddenly like this towards the end too. Try your best to enjoy the physical act of running rather than worrying about your pace, time or distance! You may likely hit another point here soon when simple walks feel just as good- if not better! The last 2 weeks I stuck to walks and spinning class and that felt fine. This is the one time in your life when it should be easiest to do that, right? You don’t have an upcoming race, in fact, you have a upcoming ‘off-season’ of 4-8 weeks!
Can’t wait for the shower!
October 17th, 2011 - 16:19
I use I want or I need instead of should. I hate should statements! I love this post. Ask urself instead what do I want or need, it helps
October 17th, 2011 - 17:02
I should be able to run faster than a 32 week pregnant woman. However, I know I should not compare myself to you or anyone else. It’s a really hard lesson to learn.
October 17th, 2011 - 17:43
I seriously love everything about this post! The “should” lesson is such an important one. Right now, I feel like I should know everything about cloth diapering, day care providers, colic, breastfeeding, and baby food.
But I also should be resting up and enjoying the last 12 weeks of life before baby.
And for the record, you making it to 32 weeks and still running at all is amazing. You’re an absolutely inspiration, something you SHOULD know
October 17th, 2011 - 18:36
hey — now we could run together!!!! how about a road trip east? or we can meet in the middle and hang out with Side of Sneakers Heather. preg party . . .
ps: this means i’ll be rockin’ 12 minute miles by that point – and i’m TOTALLY fine with that! you are awesome.
October 17th, 2011 - 18:39
Haha, I’m totally up for an NC preg party
October 18th, 2011 - 08:22
Such a great post! I am guilty of always saying “I should have done ___” and I need to seriously work on that. Thaks for posting this. I am glad you were able to have a decent run. Positive attitude can help so much!
October 18th, 2011 - 11:03
Jen,
I recall that you stopped running until 8 weeks but had morning sickness bad through 9 weeks or so. Did becoming active help? I had an okay week 6, really bad week 7, and week 8 is starting out okay with bad spurts here and there. I feel like I’m craving some exercise but don’t know how to reconcile it with the nausea and disgusting (i.e. okay for 1st trimester but not the rest of life) eating habits.
October 18th, 2011 - 11:51
I didn’t have bad morning sickness (I didn’t run until my first ultrasound b/c I had bad cramping and then stopped running again when I had a subchorinic hematoma). I’m not sure if exercise will help with morning sickness.
Your doctor may be able to help. Good luck!
October 18th, 2011 - 12:56
So true! I’m glad you realize how amazing it is that you can still run at all. It’s great that you’re out there walking instead of kicking your feet up (like other expecting mommies I know). I hope you find work soon, but enjoy the freedom while you can.
October 18th, 2011 - 13:08
(thanks for the comment on my blog:>)