This Runner's Trials
30Sep/1167

What not to say

Going through infertility sucked. What made it worse was the insensitive comments made by others.

Please never, ever tell someone going through infertility the following:

  • Just relax and it will happen.
  • Go on a cruise, and you're bound to come back pregnant.
  • When we stopped "trying", we got pregnant. Ok, really? So you stopped having sex and got pregnant? Miraculous.
  • Why don't you just adopt? Oh because that's so easy.
  • It will happen when the time is right.
  • You're so lucky you don't have kids, they're such a handful.
  • Go get blessed in church on Mother's Day and you'll become a mother.
  • I know how you feel. <--- Usually said by a woman with regular periods who is 2-3 months into her trying to conceive journey. Never tell someone how you feel unless you've really been in their shoes. I would never say that to someone going through IVF or who's had a miscarriage because I've never experienced anything like that.

If you say these comments to your infertile friend, I guarantee that it won't go over well. But you won't know she feels this way because she's probably a sweet person and will just smile and nod in your presence, and then vent about you later to her husband. I've heard all of these lovely remarks and more.

I cannot tell you what you should say to someone struggling with infertility because we're all different. I always appreciated a simple "I'm so sorry. That sucks." The best comment I ever received was "what can I say to you to make you feel better?" That question showed me my friend really cared and wanted to help.

Now, comments during pregnancy are a bit more cut and dry. I can tell you what every pregnant woman wants to hear: You look amazing/ you're glowing/ pregnancy suits you so well. Basically, we'll take any compliment directed towards us. While compliments do come our way, so do many negative comments. I understand these remarks are "well-meaning" but we're hormonal and we'll definitely take them the wrong way.

Do not say the following to a pregnant woman:

  • "When is your baby due? Ha, they must have calculated your due date wrong because there's no way you're making it to December."
  • "You're how far along? Are you sure? You're awfully big..." (note: I'm sure being called "small" hurts just as much, if not more.)
  • "You sure are taking 'eating for two' seriously." This was said to me after I ordered breakfast for my husband and I.
  • "Are you sure you're allowed to run?" Random dude, I guarantee you no one cares about the well-being of my baby more than I do, so don't question my actions.
  • "You know you can't sweat that baby out of you." Said by another random dude at the gym while shaking his finger at me...
  • "Your life will be over as soon as the baby is born. Your marriage will fall apart and you'll never be happy again."
  • "Was the pregnancy a surprise or planned?" Umm, it was a surprise that the infertility drugs actually worked!

I don't know why seeing a pregnant belly gives people the urge to judge you and make remarks. But I know this is only the start. In about 10 more weeks, I'll receive a host of parenting tips and critiques of my mothering style. Bring it on. After all, I have that smiling and nodding thing down pat from my infertility days :)

Comments (67) Trackbacks (0)
  1. Sorry, but when I see posts like this, I think it’s just so hard to say the right thing depending on who you are addressing. There are the obvious rude things people say, but then there are well-meaning people (including friends) who say something that doesn’t hit the person they are addressing well, but it might be okay to the next person. It doesn’t matter whether it’s infertility, pregnancy, illness, death, job loss, etc. People just won’t always say what you need to hear. But if they are trying to express concern, just consider there was probably a time you didn’t know what to say either or said the wrong thing. I hope saying I care and how can help is an okay response — that’s what I try. Too hard to keep up with everyone’s rules.

    • Agreed — and I don’t say that as a dig at this post…The more I can learn about experiences from lots of different people, the more confident I feel. But stuff like this has definitely scared me into not saying ANYTHING, which in and of itself may be the wrong thing. I sort of get sad when I have to temper my excitement for people, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

      Jen — thanks for being so honest throughout your journey…maybe there’s a follow-up you could do with the right way that people who HAVE gone through the experience can react to help the well-meaning people do a better job of saying the right thing? This is mostly about the wrong thing.

      • I can’t. I’ve been asked to do the “what not to say” and “what to say” posts for awhile now. I don’t feel comfortable doing the “what to say” one because everyone is SO different. My best advice is to ask your friend what she needs to hear.

        As for the “what not to say”, almost everyone I’ve spoken to going through infertility has heard these comments, and they come across negatively. When you have a medical condition and need surgery + medication and people tell you “just relax” or “stop trying”, it hurts. So I really am just trying to help well-meaning people not say the wrong thing.

        • I truly understand because I have a visible neurological disorder that causes people to make some incredibly insensitive comments (try 22 years of insensitive comments). But I realize it comes from a place of not understanding, not knowing, or just not thinking enough before the words come out. But generally people don’t mean to be hurtful and I do find your post pretty negative.

  2. My favorite is “Are you having twins?” “Are you sure it’s not twins?” Love that! Oh my mother in law likes to tell me that my baby is going to weight 10lbs. That’s always sweet!

  3. Oh yes I’ve definitely experienced the “just relax”, “go take a vacation”, “it’ll happen when you stop trying” comments while we’ve been trying…it’s hard and frustrating but I know at the same time their intentions are well meaning :)

  4. Your marriage will fall apart and you’ll never be happy again? Wow- whoever said that must have problems…yikes!

  5. My doctor told me to expect not so friendly comments about running when I started to show. He told me that people will look at me strange, think that its unhealthy and will tell me about it. He said to ignore..hahaha. When I had my miscarriage I was told “at least it didn’t take long to get pregnant, you can try again”. Well that’s just awesome, thanks alot. Meanwhile in my head I am thinking that maybe I won’t be able to stay pregnant and will always miscarry. Insensitivity amazes me.

  6. Yes, being told you are small is just as hurtful. I have been told that multiple times. I think people think it is a compliment, but it makes me worried that the baby isn’t growing enough or something. Funny too, because last month the doctor told me to be careful about my weight gain. So which is it? Too small or too big?

  7. When I was like 15-16 weeks a long I started to REALLY show, like looked as big as you do now show haha, and people always made really rude comments about my size so I started saying…”I’m 16 weeks along WITH TWINS” so people wouldn’t think I was some insanely gigantic preggo haha but you know what? I miss those comments now that I’m not pregnant anymore! Through the good and the bad, I loved every second of being pregnant, so enjoy your last 10 weeks or so :) Then you get to love being a mommy :)

  8. I can’t even imagine the pain of going through infertility, so I can’t say I’ve been in your shoes, but some of those comments do seem well-meaning! Some people really do just want the best for you, whether it’s getting pregnant or having a healthy pregnancy! And please, the “you can’t sweat the baby out of you”? Weird, but funny.

  9. sigh. yes, the ‘i know how you feel’ from someone who has tried x 2 cycles . . . i know they mean well, but i can’t help but think, “nope! you so do not.”

    the, “oh i thought you might be — i could tell in your thighs!” comment at 12 weeks was the most awkward post-pregnancy so far!! seriously!?!? WHO SAYS THAT?

  10. Yikes….I know I’ve said one of those comments to a friend who was struggling to get pregnant.
    If it helps, most people say stupid foot in mouth things like that when they generally feel awful about the whole situation. I know I would have said anything to make my friend feel better…it came from a good place….just sad that it probably didn’t make her feel any better :-(
    Hope your cold is better!

  11. Someone once told me told me: “you’re too small. you need to eat something because you’re starving your baby.”

  12. And that’s a huge reason I have basically told no one (in real life) about my struggles with infertility (for the record, I’m almost at a year with no ovulation so I think I qualify). Although I understand why people say it, I think that “it will happen” is the most unhelpful comment. There have been women throughout history who haven’t been able to get pregnant, and I might have to go through IVF or adopt to become a mom. And that’s okay. Tell me you love me and support me and the choices I make through the process…

  13. i love this post, jen. in fact, thinking about copying and pasting it into an email to send a long to a few unnamed persons :) i was watching that show “the talk” the other day and aisha tyler was a guest co-host talking about infertility (which she has no personal experience with) and made the comment “why spend thousands of dollars going through fertility treatments that might not work when you could save so much money and time by just adopting?” really? JUST adopting? do you have ANY clue what adoption entails? i was LIVID. i even went online and wrote a letter to the producers. (ok and now i’m officially nuts…)

  14. Isn’t it crazy what people think is okay to say? Aside from the size comments, I was asked by a Trader Joe’s employee if I knew if our baby was a boy or girl. I said, yes it’s a girl. He said, oh, you shouldn’t have found out. It’s one of the best surprises. So I smiled, said, we were pretty surprised at the sonogram and we’re very excited. Have a nice day! Ugh.
    And you’re right, as soon as the baby arrives there is a TON of unsolicited advice coming your way. I just smile and nod, smile and nod :-)
    For the record, I think you look amazing!!

  15. Gah people are so rude!! They’d never say comments like that if you weren’t pregnant, so what’s the difference now?! I’ve gotten a lot of comments about being small- as if I’m being a bad mom already because my belly isn’t big enough. And then there’s the follow up when they see me again later and comment on how much bigger I got. Make up your mind! (or just shut your mouth!) I got lots of horrible looks when I ordered for 2 at Chipotle the other day too- nobody even considered I was bringing food home to the hubby!

  16. When I told one of my coworkers I was pregnant, she exclaimed “I knew you were pregnant! Your butt was getting bigger!” Seriously??!! I keep telling myself she meant well, but I really can’t figure out how that was well intended!

    Hope you are feeling better!

  17. I like it when people tell me that I’m feeling better since I am out of my first trimester. Nope, been sick almost daily this entire pregnancy. Or when my Mom told me that I had gained a TON of weight at 25 weeks (10lbs – and I fight for every one). On the other hand, I am sure I have said things that have hurt others without meaning realizing it. Sometimes I just smile and try not to say anything.

  18. I’m a clergyperson, and my pet peeve is when people say, “I know how you feel.” Never, ever, ever say that, even if you’ve been in a similar situation. Every situation is different, and everyone’s feelings are different. For people who are struggling with something to say, try saying nothing. Usually your presence and a listening ear is what people are looking for. Or a simple, “I’m so sorry.” Or, “Do you want to talk about it some more?”

  19. Haha, It’s good to hear that you’ve got the smile and nod thing down, because you’re so right that the comments don’t go away. Now they’re all about feeding too often, not feeding enough, holding her too much, not enough… Guess it’s just how it is. Everyone thinks they know best :)

  20. Oh my, I definitely had to laugh at this post. Thank God, I never dealt with infertility, but thank you for the suggestions on what to say if I do come across a couple in that situation. Pregnancy comments…oh Lord. I was on the smaller side, and soooo many people said, “Are you sure you’re that far along? Everything is ok with the baby?” I wanted to say, “ya know, we just stopped going to the doctor and are googling everything, so we hope so”, but I did the smile and nod thing, too. I was able to run until I was 28 weeks along, and people asked me if I was depriving my baby of oxygen -_- Yes, as a matter of fact. I’m so selfish that I’m going to keep running even if my unborn child cannot breathe. Idiot. ;) It’s all ignorance, and maybe someday they’ll be in the same place and realize how they sound! Or maybe not. Regardless, you do look beautiful, not too huge (I love the belly!), and you’ve got the thick skin it takes to be a mama :)

  21. Seriously though, you do look amazing!

  22. For some reason I get annoyed when people ask, “How are you feeling?” I always want to say, “I’m feeling good, how about you?” I know they are just acknowledging my pregnancy, but it is getting old!! :)

  23. I get the small comments all the time. While I’m sure people are well-meaning, it does get on my nerves, and I feel like people are judging me. What they probably don’t realize is that I have an abnormally long torso, so baby has lots of room to spread inside of me rather than out.

    Last week at my work baby shower, one of my co-workers admitted he didn’t know I was pregnant until he got the invite. Just yesterday I was on the elevator at work. A lady asked, “Awww, how many months are you?” After my reply of 8 months, only 5 weeks left, she proclaimed, “I would have guessed you were just starting! 4 months at the most!” Ugh.

  24. As someone who is currently struggling with infertility, the biggest thing that annoys me is when people fail to recognize that we have a medical condition and it’s not as easy as taking a romantic vacation. I’ve just told a few, select friends and I all I want is for them to listen with a sympathetic ear. It’s a really stressful time with having to leave work constantly for appointments and worrying about taking medication, etc and it is just so nice when I can get it all out to one of my good girlfriends.

  25. My favorite well meaning comment on my pregnancy this week from the cashier at Starbucks – “Did you mean to order decaf?” NO I DID NOT mean to order decaf, I am 31 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old at home and my hour of “me time” every week is going grocery shopping alone and getting a full fat, full caff, whipped cream covered latte at Target so hand it over and mind your own business! Maybe hormones and lack of caffeine is making me overly sensitive.

  26. This is a useful post. I realize I’ve said one of the dreaded statements to you–”You’re so big”. Hopefully that didn’t come off as a judgement–not like I have a clue of how big (or small) you “should” be.

    • I like being called big when it’s said by friends in a nice way :) It’s the people who say it like they’re judging me- and they usually make a nasty face or an eye roll along with it.

  27. Because they truly want things to improve, and they wish that you weren’t going through such a difficult time, the listener tries to offer suggestions to help make things better in the hopes that maybe, just maybe THEIR suggestion was the solution….even if you’ve tried it already, heard it already – the person saying it doesn’t know that.

    There are definitely those out there who like to make light of everything and just throw out a flippant,”Oh, stop trying and it’ll happen” because they truly don’t understand the struggle. I’m not trying to take away from the struggle of infertility, I recognize that that is the most difficult position to be in in this scenario, but it’s not right to look down upon those who are well-meaning and just want to “help fix” the problem. As naive as that might be.

    I agree that there isn’t a lot that people can say in difficult situations to make them better, but I do feel that well-meaning people are only saying some of those things because they feel like they need to say something other than,”I’m sorry” – because in such heavy times that can sound pretty lame and feel like it’s not enough. However, I do wish people would just out with it and say,”I don’t know what to say” as opposed to fumbling around in the “comforting words” bag and pulling out the first thing they grab onto.

  28. I love reading your posts on infertility. Sometimes I feel so alone and then I read a post of yours Jen and its like you take the words right out of my mouth!
    Infertility sucks and it makes you feel like an animal sometimes! Some of the thoughts that go through my mind when I see a pregnant woman or hear about another friend having her 3rd child make me feel like some crazy person!
    Thanks for being so upfront and honest about this issue! Your posts help me get through some of my toughest days!

  29. The comment about getting blessed cracked me up. I told my husbands aunt that I had PCOS and she said she had patients (she’s a dentist) get pregnant after they switched their silver fillings for non-metal fillings. People have strange advice.

  30. Love this! I’ve been told I’m both HUGE and too small. How is that possible? I had a random guy at work ask me how much I’ve gained. When I said 20lbs, he said WOW! I wanted to responsed by saying “my stomach is still smaller then your stomach” but I nodded and smiled!

    The people I know and love can all me “fatso” all day long! If you don’t know my name, a simple “You look great” goes a long way!

  31. Can I add one to your list … I have twins. All through pregnancy and even now when people hear that I have twins they ask “did you use fertility drugs?” As a woman who went through infertility I really dont like it when people pry like that. I have no problem talking about it, but on my volition, not theirs!!

    BTW – you look incredible and glowing and I love reading about how fit and fabulous you are!!

  32. Hitting the nail on the head! I wish this was compulsory reading for citizens of the planet earth. Have a good weekend! You look terrific, by the way. I’m getting excited (and big) and am still running. Thanks for all of your inspiring posts. I am astounded at how fast you are still running. Good for you. I am doing 10-12 minute miles (barely) and have purchased a maternity Si-Loc support band hoping for a little more comfort. Take care baby buddy! Dreaming and scheming about 2012 Marys and Halfs yet?

  33. I’ve stopped even saying anything to my SIL about her infertility because I know how upset it gets her and I know she doesn’t want to talk about it (although I wish she would). We did just get AWESOME news that her follicles look good and that she DID ovulate last month!

    I absolutely hate getting the small comment. I’ve told people how much weight I’ve gained (27-28 pounds at 38 weeks) and they look at me like I’m shocked. Just because I’m small (and carry low) doesn’t mean I’m not taking care of myself, because I definitely am. And now that I’ve had a scare that my baby might be too small, the comments are haunting me that I’ve done something wrong. It doesn’t matter what the comment is – if it’s not “you look great!”, it hurts like hell.

    • I was small too — and my baby was born at 38.5 weeks weighing 6lbs 8oz which is small-ish and she continues to be petite but SO healthy and SO strong. She started rolling over early, standing on her own recently – which is pretty early. So, don’t sweat it. It gave me a complex that still sort of haunts me but my baby is thriving and I need to remember that.

  34. I’ll be honest and tell you I’m one of those people who don’t really know what to say, since I’ve never been through any of this myself. And I do get afraid of saying the wrong thing and accidentally offending someone. But I also think there is a difference between someone who is well meaning and trying to say something comforting, yet misses the mark – and someone who is just being flippant/insensitive. Plus, I figure – when in doubt, just listen and let the friend/family member vent. :)

    And as someone who can’t claim that she understands what a woman with infertility or who is pregnant is going through, I actually do appreciate hearing what NOT to say. I can’t expect to say the right thing all the time, but I will take all the help I can get. :)

  35. I did a similar post when I was preggo and a lot of things that people say are so frustrating, but you learn to blow them off and even laugh at most things. However, there are some things are just hurtful and will stick with you! I can’t believe some of the things you heard as you were going through infertility…that is an even more a sensitive time! I think sometimes people just aren’t sure how to react and open their mouth without thinking.

  36. I truly believe the brevity is the key to communication. If you don’t know what to say, please just don’t say anything! People talk…too much. Silence is ok. A simple smile says a lot.

    At this point in my life, I have been married, divorced, have a 6 year old, am in a relationship but not looking to get married right now. You should hear some of the things people say to me about my personal view on ME getting married. Arg! My FAVORITE was at a dinner party for an organization my sweetie had just joined the board of directors for… with a bunch of people we seriously…didn’t…know.

    Lady: So…a year and a half. Where’s the ring?
    Me: Um…huh?
    Lady: You should have a ring on your finger, you know? (nods from two other women)
    Me: Yea…that’s not really where either of us are at yet. We’re really happy right where we are, thank you.
    Lady: Well, you keep yourself up and I’m sure he’ll ask.
    Me: I’m sorry…keep myself up?
    Lady: Yea..you know.
    Me: I find this conversation very intrusive and I am ending it.
    Lady: well gosh, I’m just trying to help. Do you think he has a commitment issue?
    Me: Seriously…do I need to actually leave? Thank you, but this conversation is over.

    Yeeeaaaa. Sometimes it’s a good thing I don’t carry a taser in my purse.

  37. Very funny and very true–both parts!

  38. Very true on so many accounts. What drove me nuts, was I have been through miscarraige and know many others on a board that have. It took me longer to TTC this past time and the ones who got pregnant started to tell me that if I quit worrying it would happen. These would be the same people who were worrying before. Really??? Or when people would make comments after my m/c would say don’t worry – you got pregnant before.

  39. I get the your so small all the time I just hit 20 weeks and my belly is just starting to pop. I have to remind people when your fit and 5’11″ there is a lot of room for baby. My favorite comment was my boss who told me I didn’t need to workout, there was plenty of time for it later. And I hate when people tell me how hard it is to pump at work, I am crazy for wanting to go natural, and so on.

  40. I honestly haven’t gotten too many comments yet (22.5 weeks). Some friends at work said, “I can see you’re pregnant now in your face” which she explained was my “glow”.

    I always tried to be cautious about asking pregnant women the questions I imagine they get over and over: “what are you having” or “when’s your due date” or saying things to a very pregnant person “wow! any day now” or “you look like you’re gonna pop”. If they bring up the pregnancy, I usually just ask if they feel like they have everything ready or ask about their family/dogs/other children or perhaps say “I know you must be ready to meet your child”. As someone mentioned above, it’s okay to say nothing if you don’t know what to say or just be very brief.

  41. I just came across your blog (today, which seems crazy because you are awesome!) and I just wanted to tell you that I think you are awesome! I can’t wait to be a mother *someday* and even through your struggles, you have handled it amazingly. Go you and your little baby!

  42. i have a 5 mo. old and i’d like to tell you the comments stop after you have the baby but they get worse. i get ‘how does baby sleep?’ a lot (not well, she is a baby!), how much did you gain, and when is baby #2 happening?. really people, it takes sex to make a baby and you don’t have sex when you have a newborn. ughh. it took us almost a year before we got pregnant with our daughter and i tell people that when they get all into talking about baby 2. people are irritating. don’t get me started on the comments about how we should be doing things whether or not we are doing them (like breastfeeding, which we do, but get lectured by weirdos on why we should…yeah..)

    when i was pregnant i got a lot of ‘you don’t look __x__ weeks’ since I was on the small belly size. do you think I made it up to hide my drinking problem?? I also got a lot of questions about dilating/effacing towards the end that freaked me out since I don’t talk to my mom about my lady parts, let alone the random guy in line at the grocery store.

    Good luck! Enjoy the last few weeks with you and your hubby. Looking back, that was such a special time for us that I will always look fondly back at.

  43. Thanks for the post! I have a pregnant co-worker and I told her she looked great today.

  44. Tack on one more ‘No-No’ I’ve come to LOATHE people saying to me (I’m due Dec 28th): “Ohhh, a Christmas baby… poor thing” (or something to that regard). For the record people, I struggled wayyy too long with infertility to give a CRAP when my baby arrives. The way I see it, a child is a blessing, despite what time of year it’s born. I promise my son that he will never get ‘jipped’ in the gifts department :-)

  45. One of my top-ten favorite posts (hard to choose them anyway, you rock)! I am starting my fertility journey and what I find flabbergasting is how my friends who struggled with infertility and are now mothers seemed to have already forgotten how it felt every month when your period shows up! Maybe I need new friends, but they are already saying to me, “Just relax, it will happen” and “Oh, if you stop obsessing it will happen at the right time”. Am I the one losing it, or did they simply forget how painful it can be to hear those words? With that being said, THANK YOU so much for honoring all of us by being open and gracious about your pregnancy!

  46. Thanks for being so honest with your journey, Jen – as you always are. I think it’s helpful for people to hear what comments are or are not helpful to families going through infertility. It’s one of those things that I would just want to convey that I was there for the person – I couldn’t bring myself to joke about it or say something smart/snarky. I’m sorry that people said those insensitive comments to you that either made you feel bad, minimized the problem, or were just plain rude. When going through various medical things, I got a slew of negative comments or back-handed compliments, and I tried my best to not remember them…they just were not worth entertaining. I think it’s great that you’re able to share what did and didn’t help you.

  47. I have a feeling you’ll be leaving the pregnancy/infertility comments for the “how to parent” comments. I think no matter where we are in life there is always someone who thinks they’ve done it better, knows better, or just wants to joke.

  48. Wonderful post. Thank you.

    I’ve had a lot of the same infertility comments and now that I’m pregnant, I’ve been told that I’m big as well. I’ve also had comments such as “Oh I noticed your face was getting fatter” or “No wonder you are getting acne” and questions like “How much do you weigh now?”, “How much weight have you gained”, “Are you gaining the appropriate amount of weight?”. The same co-worker who commented about my acne also recommended herbal products so that my unborn baby wouldn’t get acne like me. Gee thanks. My only regret is I usually don’t say anything to the person at the time and I get upset and resentful later. It’s funny how people think just because you’re pregnant, you’re somehow public property and they can make and ask inappropriate comments/questions… *sigh*

  49. Here’s another one for your list – both when I had a miscarriage when our son was 1.5 and then now still struggling with infertility while he’s 3.5, I got told “you should be grateful that at least you have your son”.
    Really? No, I was just busying ignoring him, focussing on #2… esp since they don’t know about how sick he was when he was born with his heart condition, so we are probably 100x more grateful that he is here, healthy, etc. That has no bearing on wanting a second – I never intended to have a one child family and who are they to tell me that I should be grateful!!!??!! Argh…
    Found your blog through RLAM and am enjoying your pregnancy journey and your sympathy with infertility, so thanks for your posts!

  50. I haven’t had any really rude pregnancy comments yet, but one of my coworkers asked, “It’s your husband’s, right?” and I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I think she meant something more along the lines of, are you married? but it just came out wrong. [She is Danish and said there it's not uncommon for couples to intentionally have kids without getting married - so I guess that's the context she was asking in.]

  51. I have walked the infertility road but praise God I am now 16 weeks pregnant. I can relate to a lot of the comments you listed under what not to say to those going through infertility. I know people don’t always know how their comments come across, and some are just trying to voice care in the only way they know how, but it still hurts. My husband and I ended up having to do IVF, got pregnant with twins and lost one of the twins at 7 weeks but we are SO blessed to just be pregnant!! Seeing pictures of your baby (just finished reading current posts) makes me smile from ear to ear. WE are BOTH infertility SUCCESS stories! So happy for your new family!

  52. I had to laugh when I read this – OMG I so triple hate “just relax” …. oh really? have you been there? if not shut your child-bearing piehole and keep moving folks, this circus ride is not taking any additional riders.
    Its amazing really how uncomfortable it makes people to realize you’re struggling through this while they’re popping out kids 3 and 4. No I didn’t choose this, are you kidding me? Yeah I know “it’ll happen eventually”….maybe???? who knows!
    i’ve relaxed – nothing
    went on a cruise – nothing
    stopped trying – that worked because I got nothing
    its hard enough to deal with this you want me to ADOPT? sorry not ready yet
    Whose to say when Gods time is….except for Him. Just a thought
    Aye yi yi and like you said it goes on and on.

    I must say – you have given me great hope in MY journey because of yours and I appreciate your transparency in sharing your struggles because it’s helping a totally random running stranger like you believe that she too can be a mommy one day soon.

    Thanks so much – and thanks for the laughs, levity is good.


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