Going through infertility sucked. What made it worse was the insensitive comments made by others.
Please never, ever tell someone going through infertility the following:
- Just relax and it will happen.
- Go on a cruise, and you're bound to come back pregnant.
- When we stopped "trying", we got pregnant. Ok, really? So you stopped having sex and got pregnant? Miraculous.
- Why don't you just adopt? Oh because that's so easy.
- It will happen when the time is right.
- You're so lucky you don't have kids, they're such a handful.
- Go get blessed in church on Mother's Day and you'll become a mother.
- I know how you feel. <--- Usually said by a woman with regular periods who is 2-3 months into her trying to conceive journey. Never tell someone how you feel unless you've really been in their shoes. I would never say that to someone going through IVF or who's had a miscarriage because I've never experienced anything like that.
If you say these comments to your infertile friend, I guarantee that it won't go over well. But you won't know she feels this way because she's probably a sweet person and will just smile and nod in your presence, and then vent about you later to her husband. I've heard all of these lovely remarks and more.
I cannot tell you what you should say to someone struggling with infertility because we're all different. I always appreciated a simple "I'm so sorry. That sucks." The best comment I ever received was "what can I say to you to make you feel better?" That question showed me my friend really cared and wanted to help.
Now, comments during pregnancy are a bit more cut and dry. I can tell you what every pregnant woman wants to hear: You look amazing/ you're glowing/ pregnancy suits you so well. Basically, we'll take any compliment directed towards us. While compliments do come our way, so do many negative comments. I understand these remarks are "well-meaning" but we're hormonal and we'll definitely take them the wrong way.
Do not say the following to a pregnant woman:
- "When is your baby due? Ha, they must have calculated your due date wrong because there's no way you're making it to December."
- "You're how far along? Are you sure? You're awfully big..." (note: I'm sure being called "small" hurts just as much, if not more.)
- "You sure are taking 'eating for two' seriously." This was said to me after I ordered breakfast for my husband and I.
- "Are you sure you're allowed to run?" Random dude, I guarantee you no one cares about the well-being of my baby more than I do, so don't question my actions.
- "You know you can't sweat that baby out of you." Said by another random dude at the gym while shaking his finger at me...
- "Your life will be over as soon as the baby is born. Your marriage will fall apart and you'll never be happy again."
- "Was the pregnancy a surprise or planned?" Umm, it was a surprise that the infertility drugs actually worked!
I don't know why seeing a pregnant belly gives people the urge to judge you and make remarks. But I know this is only the start. In about 10 more weeks, I'll receive a host of parenting tips and critiques of my mothering style. Bring it on. After all, I have that smiling and nodding thing down pat from my infertility days
I can't believe it's my last week in the twenties! The twenties started off like this:
Yet ended like this:
Wow. And I thought I wasn't growing for awhile. Ha. I can only imagine what the thirties will bring!
I know I say this each week, but I feel huge. I'm also starting to feel really heavy. It definitely takes a lot of effort to get up from a seated position or roll over in the middle of the night.
I'm up 2 lbs. this week which brings my total pregnancy weight gain to 21-22 lbs.
Unfortunately, my cold continues. I'm on day 10 of this crummy illness. Luckily, I don't have a fever nor am I coughing up any colored mucus so I was given the go ahead to travel up to NJ today. Wohoo I can't wait to see my family and friends!
I had a new pregnancy symptom this week while away in Florida: my feet swelled. I guess walking or standing around in the heat and humidity will do that to you. The swelling wasn't too bad and went away as soon as I rested, but I'll be more careful not to stand for long periods of time now.
Due to being sick, I had my weakest week of pregnancy workouts since week 8 when I had a subchorionic hematoma. The workouts I did were enjoyable. Hopefully I'm on the mend and I can sweat again soon. I'm getting so antsy! Being inactive is not something I'm good at.
- W: OFF
- Th: 35 min elliptical, 15 min recumbent bike, upper body weight machines
- F: 4 mi (outside) at 9:03 pace
- S: 4 mi (outside) at 8:58 pace
- S: sick
- M: sick
- Tu: sick
I was so desperate to feel better on vacation that I tried Benadryl and Tylenol as my midwife suggested. Benadryl eased my congestion for two days and then stopped working. I felt incredibly guilty for taking meds while pregnant, but I also felt incredibly awful and couldn't breathe. I've been poking my stomach constantly to get him moving (and he is ), so I'm praying the drugs didn't affect him too much.
My trip to NJ this weekend is for my first baby shower. Plans have been in the works for close to 20 weeks now, and I just cannot believe it's actually here. I feel so blessed to have made it this far!
After we go out of town for my husband's half Ironman next weekend, I won't be traveling at all for the rest of pregnancy. I hope I get the urge to nest. I will, right? That's one pregnancy perk I'm really looking forward to! It better not pass me by like big boobs did…
I'm sick. Like really sick.
What started as a minor cold last Monday turned into a full on cold by Wednesday and a "I got hit by a truck" feeling by Sunday. None of the cold medications that are safe during pregnancy are working at all anymore. Benadryl won't even knock me out. This sucks.
I have not been this sick (not counting GI issues) since I got my tonsils taken out 8 years ago. Pregnancy robs you of a strong immune system, so I knew I was more susceptible to getting sick and illnesses would last longer, but this is ridiculous.
Did I mention we were in Florida with friends for the past few days?
We had a wonderful time and I thought I took it easy enough to get better. But the heat + humidity allowed me to breathe better outside, so I may have foolishly done a bit too much.
I'm now desperate to feel well and regain my ability to breathe through my nose. I don't want this to turn into a more serious illness that stops me from traveling to NJ later this week- or worse, hurts my baby.
Operation "do nothing" is in effect for the next 48 hours. There will be no running, no swimming, no leaving the house, no cleaning or cooking (sorry hubby), and no getting up from the horizontal position- unless I need to eat or use the bathroom– until I leave Wednesday morning. Fingers crossed it's not too little too late!
Ok enough whining from me I'm sure you're much more interested in who won my RoadID giveaway anyway. The random number generator has selected:
Morgan! Morgan shares her best running safety tip:
Congrats Morgan Email me at runnerstrials at gmail dot com to claim your RoadID.