This Runner's Trials

My first son

March was a really low point for me. After my first failed cycle of infertility this year, I felt like a failure. We escaped on a tropical vacation, yet I couldn't run away from the thoughts in my head.


When I assumed things couldn't get any worse, they did (or so I thought at the time). In the middle of my next fertility cycle, my doctor called my ovaries weird and wanted to put me on the pill for awhile. Of course, we know the ending; I was actually pregnant but didn't know it.

I was desperate. I needed to know if I'd ever be a mom. I did what any other woman would do: I consulted an infertility psychic.


This psychic had been correct with some of my twitter infertility friends. She had a 75% accuracy rating. So I asked for a reading.

It took 3 weeks for her to get back with it. In that time span, I found out I was pregnant. Yet, I was still eager to hear what the psychic had to say.

She told me I'd either conceive, find out I was pregnant, or have a baby in July (not necessarily this July). My first child would be a son. He'd be the life of the party, get along really well with people, but be a huge mama's boy and love me more than anyone.

At first, I freaked out. The baby in my belly could not have any associations with the month of July. I feared for a few seconds that her reading meant I was going to lose the baby I was carrying.

Then I realized she was 100% right.


My first son was born on July 24, 2002. I didn't meet him for a few more weeks, but it was love at first sight. And he fit the psychic's description to a T.

Nati celebrated birthday number 9 this past weekend by engaging in his favorite activities.


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And eating cupcakes (it runs in the family):

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I know most people say they love their pets, but I'm borderline unhealthily obsessed with my furball.

Nati taught me how to be a mom.

I now know that when my baby is sick in the middle of the night, I'll pop out of bed with more adrenaline than I have on race day.

I now know that a lot of extra work goes into planning a vacation the whole family can enjoy, but it's totally worth it.

I now know that it's normal to keep track of how much your baby poops to make sure he's eating enough.

I now know not to plan to get anything done beyond nervous pacing and crying if my baby ever needs surgery.

I now know that any mood can be turned around when you see the face of someone so innocent who loves you and needs you so much.

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It's hard to believe that in a few months there will be another little boy in my life who melts my heart and teaches me so much more. Just thinking about it leaves me at a loss of words…

But in related news, does anyone know where I can find a similar stuffed dog to this one?

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We need Nati represented in the delivery room. Sadly, this stuffed look-alike got left behind on our wedding day :(

Comments (41) Trackbacks (2)
  1. I absolutely love this post! My pup is nine this November and I feel the exact same way about him!

  2. FAO Schwarz has a collection of really realistic stuffed animals. I know they’re not cheap, but it may be a good place to start. :)

  3. I love my doggies (as they sleep next to me in my bed right now ha). I lost one to a car in October and it broke my heart and turned my life around. Now my dogs never leave my side when I’m at home and went vegetarian.

    You’ve got a cutie on your hands!

  4. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like that about my pooch! She’s definitely just like a child!

    Great post!

  5. That gave me goosebumps about the psychic’s prediction! My aunt’s best friend has some psychic visions – the month before my sister got pregnat, she called my aunt and said, “Kirstin is going to get pregnant – soon.” Of course, she wasn’t even trying (it was more of a ‘whoops!’) and sure enough, the month after – she was pregnant. She called me up a while ago and told me she didn’t know when, but to get ready for “Christmas twins”. And I got scared. haha!

  6. I am completely with you! My fur baby is my child. He has taught me so much and I really believe was my first training camp to motherhood.

    I started reading your blog when you made your pregnancy announcement, mostly because I’m kind of obssessed with baby stories..and i’m a sap.

    Anyways, I KNOW you will have a great pregnancy, and send a happy bday to your pupperoni for me! : )

  7. aw happy birthday Nati! such cute pictures! Love the cupcake!
    Of course, you know I would shake you silly if you really thought you were going to lose your baby in july b/c the psychic said so. :P IMO that stuff is coincidence. But very cute how you tied it in with Nati! sassy turns 10 in a week or so and it makes me sad. :( we now call her “old lady”

  8. I cried more at this post than I did when you announced you were carrying a human child — and that’s saying a lot!

    My husband and I talk *all the time* about how having dogs has prepared us for childhood. And I don’t care how cheesy it is…seeing the way he takes care of them and truly enjoys their company, even when they’re behaving badly, makes me so excited for seeing how he is with “real” kids.

  9. That is too cute! What do you have the give the infertility psychic for her to read your future?

  10. This post got me all teary eyed, so sweet! I have two kitties and feel the same way you do – they are my babies!! While we wait to have our first baby they have gotten me through so much and you are right, it’s hard to be sad when you see their sweet faces:)

  11. I love this post!!! I am a huge animal lover and grew up with a great black lab. In my “adult” life I’ve only had a house big enough for cats, but I love them too and they seriously are like my children. I have pictures of them on my phone and on my desk at school. I’ve cried for them at the animal e.r. I talk to them and they DO talk back :). You are so right on about them being our first children.

  12. Such a cute post. Our pup just turned 4 and it got me so emotional thinking about how quickly the time has flown with her. I’m glad to know I’m not the only crazy one out there with their pets b/c when I watch my husband play or take care of the dog I seriously sometimes think to myself how great a father he would make! haha

  13. Nati looks like jeff is that last photo…lol!

  14. Awwwwwwww!!! How sweet is this! I’m unhealthily obsessed with by first baby, too- furbaby, of course! And every furbaby deserves a pupcake on his/her birthday!This post just made me so happy :)

  15. Jen, you are such a sweetheart! I definitely love my dog like a child and she has brought so much joy and happiness into my life that I didn’t even know was missing :) Love the idea of the dog being represented in the delivery room too.

  16. It’s clear that you love your doggie a lot. I feel the same way about my furry little boy! Since my husband has deployed, Geronimo and I spend a lot of time together. I don’t know what I’d do without him!*

  17. This is such a sweet post! My husband and I feel the same way about our Dottie – she is definitely like a child to us & has taught us a LOT – about unconditional love and the responsibility of taking care of a being that relies solely on us for all of its needs! Frankly, if our first week with Dottie is anything like what we should expect whenever we have a baby, I’m a little nervous! But I wouldn’t change it for the world!

    Happy Birthday Nati!

  18. I always think my doggy is the perfect training wheels for a baby! We talk about her poop cycles, eating, when she’s happy and sad and wants to play, etc. She will always be my first baby!

  19. A fertility psychic?!! OK, I need to contact her!!!!

  20. This is such a sweet post. Hooray for furbabies. :)

  21. Awwww! So stinking sweet! We have a cat that we got right before we got married 4 years ago. She has been our “baby” every since then! I have never seen my husband more nervous or upset after we took her to her first VET appointment and she had an allergic reaction to one of her shots. A week before our wedding, he was sitting in the emergency VET in tears, praying she’d be OK. I’m still nervous for when our REAL baby arrives because I know how spoiled our cat is and she’s definitely not going to take it well! But, I’m also hoping they’ll be best friends!

  22. I’ve just started reading, after some of your posts were recommended by Twitter friends. First, congrats on your baby! I’m so excited for you.

    I had to comment, thought, because of Nati. I am so far from getting married, having a baby, or any of those milestones, but everything you said about your Pup describes how I feel about my Jasper, a black lab mix I adopted October 26, 2010. Not everyone understands the bond between humans and pets, but this post shows your love for Nati and his for you. The line, “I now know that any mood can be turned around when you see the face of someone so innocent who loves you and needs you so much” made me tear up – I’ve only had Jasper 9 months and he has already improved my life immeasurably and helped me through some very dark days.

    I guess I have my first son too and never knew it :)

  23. OMG I loooove this post. As a fellow dog mom, I definitely have learned all those lessons and I do think they will help if/when I become a mom. <3 Happy Birthday Nati!

  24. I used to be my dog’s favorite person. Until I had my son. I was quickly and happily replaced by the one who rolls on her and drops food.

  25. Do you mind to share the contacts for the infertility psychic?

  26. I feel the same way about my pup! He is my baby!! And I like to think he’s been great preparation for motherhood (some people say that a puppy is tougher than a human baby. I sort of hope they’re right).

    Happy Birthday to your first son :)

  27. oh doggy cupcakes! best way to celebrate.

  28. Aw, Jen i LOVE this post!!!!!!!!! I feel the exact same way about happy. Also, my mom did the psychic thing, too. She’s also had quite a few dream-like premonitions that have come true, too!

  29. My BFF brought in her favorite framed picture of her pup! And I feel the same way about my 2 pups getting me totally prepared for being a mom. There are not many people, let along dogs, that I’ll pace back and forth for on my deck in the drizzling rain in the still not warm enough spring to wait to see if they throw up to feel better at 1am.

  30. What a cute post- you’re so darn cute! Almost makes me want a pup, but since i’ve never had one I think I’ll just stick to babies for now =)

  31. What a cute post!!!! I love my cat just as much! And yes, I contacted a psychic too! She said I’d either get a BFP in April or May of this year or deliver in April / May next year. She was clearly wrong on the BFP!

  32. Again, you’ve brought me to tears. As we just had our IVF cycle stopped after retrieval (due to me producing TOO many eggs… ironic I know) this was really great to read. My dog is borderline unhealthy important to me and I can relate to everything in this post. I don’t know what I would do with out my little guy during this infertility journey. Thanks again for your writing.

  33. I love this post, so much. I’ve had my little Jade The Boxer for about 10 months, she’s seriously taught me so much about being a parent that it gives me the courage to know that perhaps I could be a mother. My puppy has helped me as I battled an eating disorder and gives me hope/optimism/happiness for the future.

    Thank you for your blog. I found out about it after you announced your pregnancy and I have really enjoyed reading your new posts as well as back posts. The way you describe the desire to have a baby, the process as your body changes while growing a human and the joy that is evident is truly inspiring.

  34. This post is so awesome. We have a dog and are in the middle of the trying point of conception. Sometimes you have to take a minute and remember what you have already.

  35. This is such a cute post. This is my first visit to your blog and I’m so glad that I found you. I am 19 weeks pregnant so it’s fun to read about another expectant mama’s experiences. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy–I’m excited to follow along.

  36. This post choked me up! I often wonder how Leela will be with our future kids…but she’ll always be my first baby :)

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