A relationship on the rocks « This Runner's Trials

18May/1110

A relationship on the rocks

Back at my first meeting with my new doctor, she told me I had to drastically cut back on my running. This was fine with me, but I had another plan in mind.

I asked, "what would happen if I totally stopped running?"

She said she didn't know if that would help my fertility or not, but it was worth a shot.

So I gave up running.

The first week, it sucked. I was a mess. Running consumed my thoughts. I was antsy, angry, and ready to throw in the towel.

The second week was more of the same. But instead of anger, I was just sad. Sad I had to ditch a trusted friend to see if my body was better without it.

By the third week, I was indifferent. I didn't think of running much, only when I saw others out pounding the pavement. I wasn't jealous, nor did I feel inspired to join them.

The fourth week, I met with my doctor. She said there was no reason for me to continue not running. I was petrified to make my return. A few friends had also recently taken a running hiatus and I was scared I wouldn't be able to run more than a couple miles without stopping, or I'd have soreness for days.

After 25 days off, I made my return to running.

I ran a little over 3 miles and it was just ok.

It was a slow run, but it didn't feel hard. I didn't need to take any walk breaks, and I never got sore. Physically, it went better than my expectations.

But mentally, it did nothing for me. There was no runner's high. No feeling of "ohmigod I am so glad to be out here again." Just… nothing.

In the next week, I ran 5 times. All runs felt physically fine, but left me empty.

Then life really got in the way. Without going into too much detail, my dad got sick, I was under a lot of stress, and before I knew it, I was on a plane to see my family in NJ.

There, I didn't think about running.

Until last Friday. I woke up with that "I must run" feeling for the first time in over a month. I was excited, yet nervous to see how the run would actually go.

It was amazing. I don't know how far I ran or what my pace was. But I finally got that runner's high back. I was in such a good mood for the rest of the day. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

The next day, I repeated my run and was left with the same results. Now that I had running back I truly believed everything would be ok with my dad and my fertility.

Then I got back to Charlotte. And I hurt my back. My chiropractor husband can't do much for me because women who are pregnant or could be pregnant can't have therapies like stim or topical medications. I'm stuck icing and resting.

I'm left without running again. I don't know why running and I can't seem to get on the same page. We loved each other for years without any minor break-ups so I cannot figure out why this is happening.

I am certain that we'll synch up again. All relationships have ebbs and flows. And I cannot wait to flow with such a dear friend again

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Tagged as: infertility, injury, running Leave a comment

Comments (10) Trackbacks (3) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

Brittney
May 18th, 2011 - 07:48

Awwww, I feel ya Jen! I have run twice in the last week or so and both runs were just okay. It didn’t feel awful, but I felt slow and sluggish, and I definitely didn’t feel the runner’s high on either run. I think for me, it’s just one of those things I’m not sure I want to bother doing if I can’t do it the way I used to. I know my running will inevitably drop off each month in the two week wait, so it seems kind of futile to really put in much effort in the other two weeks. We need to get pregnant ASAP and stop this madness!!

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Chad @ thebreakupnote
May 18th, 2011 - 07:56

Aww hang in there! I think it’s inspiring that you actually struggled NOT to run. I mean, talk about a paradigm that is unlike the norm, right?!

As for your relationship with running: Yes I agree, it is a complex relationship that will weather some rough patches!

As for your wanting to get pregnant: I really believe that while man may decide when to make love, God is the ultimate decider of when to make life. So, I know in my heart you will have what you need at the exact time that you need it. I hope that’s a comforting thought!

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Gina @ Running to the Kitchen
May 18th, 2011 - 08:45

Oh man that stinks about your back. I think we all go through phases like that. Something similar happened to me when I started playing soccer again a couple years ago and had one issue after the next. I hope your back gets better soon and you can get back to the running you love!

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Lauren
May 18th, 2011 - 10:29

I’m sorry about your back!! So frustrating! But don’t worry – you and running will get back together. I know it. I struggle with the very same highs and lows in my own relationship with running. Sometimes, for no reason at all, I just don’t seem to get as much out of it. But then there comes a day when everything falls into place and feels amazing – and I’m so thankful for the gift of running. I think these lows will make those eventual highs that much better!

I hope your back heals quickly and I hope everything is okay with your dad!

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Morgan @ Endorphaholic
May 18th, 2011 - 12:56

I’m sorry that your back is out! I just wanted to say that your strength to share your struggles and the emotional effect is so inspiring. You are already so committed to doing what is best for your future baby and your body, it is clear that you will be an amazing mom! Praying for you.

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Christine
May 18th, 2011 - 18:36

You guys are just on a break, Ross and Rachel style (sorry, sorry). In the end you’ll get together, just like them. I think there’s a definite difference between choosing to quit running, and doing it to take care of your body, which you are doing. While I don’t know you personally, from reading your blog it doesn’t seem like you could ever abandon it. You are a runner!

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Corey @ the runner's cookie
May 18th, 2011 - 19:51

Oh Jen I’m so sorry to hear about your dad – I really hope he’s okay.
I can definitely relate to the ups and downs in my relationship with running, and I think most importantly you know you’ll have good and bad days with it, but at the end of the day it’s a positive thing in your life. It’s also something that will be there after you have kids…it’s not going anywhere! You have many years of running to look forward to!

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Lizzy
May 18th, 2011 - 21:08

I love this post because I can relate to it sooooo much. I always joke I have a bipolar relationship with running. I really believe the key is to allow yourself to fall out of love with running from time to time as long as you fall back in with it when the time is right. I hope your back feels better soon!

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Kelly @foodiefresh
May 19th, 2011 - 10:44

I had no idea that you hurt your back! I’m so sorry. Running and I have broke up with each other (well, it’s always me) at least two or three times in my almost 7 years of running. It’s never for very long 1-2 months at most. You’ll be back out there again! And when you’re ready, call me.

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Kate
May 19th, 2011 - 18:37

I hope your Dad gets better soon, and I’m sure you and running will get back on track one day- stroller racing, maybe? Are you hinting at something with “could be” pregnant, or just generally referring to TTC??

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