Infertility Myth: You’re Alone
The myth: you're alone. The truth: you're not.
Happy National Infertility Awareness Week 
Resolve, the National Infertility Association, is holding a "bust an infertility myth" challenge.
There are a host of myths surrounding infertility. I'm not even going to get into the whole "just relax" nonsense. But there is a certain myth that I think a lot of us infertiles struggle with.
When I first learned I couldn't get pregnant without medical help (you can read more about my diagnoses- PCOS and endometriosis- here), I struggled with a lot of emotions. At first I was in denial, then scared, and then came the deep sadness that I still carry with me. Unfortunately there have also been many moments sprinkled with anger, jealousy, and shame.
I never wanted to be a part of this battle and I hate that I am. At first, the worst thing was that I felt like I was the only one on this team. Pregnant women, new moms, heck even women who simply menstruated seemed to surround me.
I was alone.
But that's just a myth.
Unfortunately, one in 8 women know exactly how I feel. Every time I see this number, I shudder. I can't believe there are so many people on my team.
Once I started opening up about my problems, I felt a small weight lifted off my shoulders. It felt so good to get my feelings out there.
Talking with my family and friends really, really helped me. But connecting with the others like me helped so much more.
Meeting people who felt the same exact way I did filled such an amazing void. I learned that seemingly endless crying fits, giving pregnant women dirty looks, hating my body, and other crazy emotions were actually completely normal. We could be sad for each other but so relieved we weren't the only ones fighting infertility. And when you learn a fellow infertile gets pregnant, you'll still feel a pang of the "why not me's" but you'll also be filled with hope.
My plea to my fellow infertiles is to know you're not alone. Please seek out support from others, especially others like you. If you don't know anyone in real life, look for a support group, read blogs, or hit up twitter. I promise there are people out there just like you, and connecting with them will really help.
I'll never know the reason why I had to fight for my fertility. But infertility taught me an amazing lesson: people are good. People want to help you and genuinely care about you. I'll never ever forget the support I've gotten from others- both real life loved ones and internet friends. I can't believe I ever underestimated the awesome power of human compassion. I can never thank them enough.
This journey has taught me that no matter what you're facing, you're never alone. Whatever you're going through, no matter how "shameful" it may feel, please open up and share your feelings with someone.
To learn more about infertility please check out these incredible resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week
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April 28th, 2011 - 12:30
I love this post. While I can’t relate to your struggles with infertility, I love that the lesson you learned is that people are good. I’ve been through a lot lately, and though it all pales in comparison to what you’ve had to deal with, I took away the same lesson. People want to help, but they can only help if you let them.
Continuing to send you lots of happy thoughts and positive vibes. You are wonderful.
April 28th, 2011 - 12:31
You are definitely not alone. I am not TTC and don’t know whether I’m fertile or infertile, but would hate it if one of my friends was suffering in silence either way. (hugs)
April 28th, 2011 - 12:34
I am so sorry this is a struggle that you are faced with. I don’t personally understand your struggles, so I won’t even pretend I do.
Just know that there are people people out there hoping the best for you. I’m glad you’ve been able to find supportive people online to help you not feel so alone.
Best wishes!
April 28th, 2011 - 13:38
I love this post – thank you for writing it.
It is amazing how many people I have discovered are in a similar boat to me since I have said “sod this, I am not embarrassed about who I am and I will talk about it”
The more that people talk about it, the more that others who are not in a similar situation will realise that it is not okay to say things like – Relax, it will happen etc. It is not like sitting an exam where extra study may help.
Thanks again -
April 28th, 2011 - 13:49
What an amazing post!
I regularly talk to people about having PCOS, while my best friend tells no one that she has it
To me the more people that talk about infertility the less taboo of a subject it is
I applaud you for doing your part in starting conversations that encourage discussions!
One day when I am TTC I will read these posts and appreciate your words even more
April 28th, 2011 - 13:59
While I’m glad women w/ fertility issues are not alone, it saddens me to learn so many women face this. And just bc I have a regular period doesn’t mean I’m not part if this stat. I love that to have the courage to share your struggle. Obviously you help women dealing w/ this problem. I believe you also help those not struggling learn how to deal w/ those unable to have chIldren & to not take fertility for granted.
April 28th, 2011 - 15:46
Jen,
My husband and I haven’t started trying for kids quite yet but I am also 28 and reading your honest accounts of your struggles means the world to me. I know that I could very easily be infertile and I know that there are wonderful women out there like you who share your knowledge and emotions and help others through such a difficult time. I wish you all the best in your journey toward parenthood.
April 28th, 2011 - 16:28
I get so emotional when I read your posts. You already know I don’t struggle with infertility but I feel like I can feel your pain through your words so clearly. You aren’t alone and you are amazing for sharing your honesty. You inspire me continually to be grateful for the life I have been given.
April 28th, 2011 - 16:33
I’ve been going through issues lately and just got word from my doctor yesterday that when it comes time for me to want to conceive, I need help from fertility drugs. While I am a little bit upset at this, I am even more grateful I figured this all out before we tried to have kids. I’m crossing my fingers that the road is not long when we start though!
April 28th, 2011 - 16:42
I really needed this post today–thank you!!!! Today I found out iui #2 was a bust. This hasn’t made it better–but at least more bearable. Thank you for your openness!!!
April 28th, 2011 - 17:18
woo-hoo — who knew we had our own WEEK?
[got my period yet again this week - no meds. not sure whether to cry or celebrate!]
April 28th, 2011 - 17:57
Thank you for this Jen, I needed to hear this today. We will all be celebrating with you when you get your little nugget – you WILL be a mama one day!
April 28th, 2011 - 17:58
I love this post. I haven’t dealt with that heartbreak, but I have 2 friends who have dealt with it (and one has twins now and the other is pregnant). I know I only got the tip of the iceberg of their pain and struggles, but even those of us who got pregnant quickly know how lucky we are and don’t take it for granted, even on the hard days.
April 30th, 2011 - 10:30
Thanks for saying that – it can be really easy for those who get pregnant (and stay pregnant) easily to forget their blessings and lose sight of how hard it is for those of us who can’t.
April 28th, 2011 - 18:48
THANK YOU!
April 28th, 2011 - 19:53
I appreciate this post. By reaching out, I’ve learned a lot more about infertility that will hopefully help me. It’s really hard, really painful, and totally impossible to wrap your head around.
April 29th, 2011 - 08:07
i love this! such a great reminder to you and to others that are struggling with feelings of isolation. i would love to see more about other myths of infertility. a whole series maybe?
April 29th, 2011 - 09:12
I love this post and it is great to see a strong woman talk about it. You are strong, brave and a great role model
April 29th, 2011 - 11:18
Jen – I couldn’t help but notice how relevant your header tagline is to this post – “putting one foot in front of the other isn’t always easy.” I think over the last year you have shown us your strength and bravery in many areas of your life…from tackling a triathlon to surviving a long, lonely bike race to setting new PRs in EVERY DISTANCE YOU RAN and now this. You are the perfect example of someone who continues to put one foot in front of the other despite the challenges that life throws at you.
You are awesome!
April 30th, 2011 - 08:12
Jen I love this. I can’t even imagine the feelings of being alone that you must struggle with. I think part of it is that there isn’t enough discussion around infertility – and whenever something isn’t discussed, it’s made to seem like something shameful. Which just breaks my heart. Because if 1 in 8 women struggle with this, that means there are a LOT of women out there in need of support and help. You are a strong woman and I hope others are able to find the support that you have.
May 2nd, 2011 - 09:31
Thank YOU for making ME feel less alone
I used to think no one understand this or even understand irregular menstrual cycles but the more I talk about it, the more I find people going through the same thing. It’s a great and yet sad situation. Thank you for being so open and sharing your experiences, you are an inspiration!
June 3rd, 2011 - 11:02
I have seen you on Caitlin’s blog a few times but finally clicked over when I saw her post about you becoming pregnant. CONGRATS! I’m going back & reading all of the infertility posts now which as you mention in this post, are very helpful for those of us going through infertility!